


to crave normality

by prettyboi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angels, Angst, BDSM, Boss/Employee Relationship, Dark Eren Yeager, Demons, Dominant Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Dubious Ethics, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eren Is a Little Shit, Eren Yeager Is a Ray of Sunshine, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Grisha Yeager's Bad Parenting, Healthy Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, In a sense, Judaism, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) is Bad At Feelings, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) is a Tease, M/M, Medical Procedures, Mildly Dubious Consent, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rope Bondage, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Submissive Eren Yeager, Supernatural Elements, Titan-Haired Eren Yeager, Violence, Wordcount: Over 10.000, Wordcount: Over 20.000, a whole lotta violence, and no one, but he tries, can tell me otherwise, eventually, guys i fuckin made it, he just learnt bad things, he means well, i fuckin went to 10 000, its weird, levi is a dick, look we did it!!!!, ok but only for a little bit, ok its not what you think but i swear ill explain later, reiterate: eren is a sunshine boy, sorta - Freeform, tbh, they dont hate each other but are they sarcastic buds, to put the proper violence tag, turns out i forgot, yeah no this going to get wild
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-03-06 10:11:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13409043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyboi/pseuds/prettyboi
Summary: A life of bloodshed - a dirty fight for survival - seeming inevitable to the youth, a future he had been pushed into out of love; or so he had been told. That love, the promise of approval, any resemblance of worth strung him along, to follow what that man had laid out for him.It was a promise that didn't hold out, not as he hid in the back of worn wooden closet, clutching his knees as he picked up on every word of what went on downstairs. The all too sickening cracks of bone and soft pitter patter of blood filtered throughout the home, he heard the hushed whispers as they dragged his father from his home.It was easy for Eren to hide the physical quirks, to conceal a nature he feared, detested; yet to live without the structure he had previously found himself confined in proved to be the most challenging. It was uncontrollable, a nature he was unable to push down, a thing he struggled to cover.The sun would meet the moon, he'd find himself butting heads with a man he could never hope to understand, a man he couldn't burn.Or the weird, mildly dystopian supernatural-esque, and angsty au nobody asked for, but is a fucking blast to write.





	1. In which they meet.

**Author's Note:**

> Holla, it's your boy Billy. 
> 
> I swear this fic has gone through about thirty summary changes, but she's getting there I promise. 
> 
> This is inherently going to be a pretty violent fic, but warnings will be on each chapter. It's also a pretty slow burn, but we're in it for the long run and I hope to churn out a whole lotta updates, usually once a week/fortnight. 
> 
> I don't wanna spoil it but with this au, its doesn't really fit into just one category, but I'd peg it as a modern au with supernatural elements, I literally don't know what I'm doing. 
> 
> This is un-beta'd, so if you find anything wrong feel free to give feedback! Improving this weird amalgamation of mistakes is a goal tbh. 
> 
> enjoy lmao, billy out.

The moonlight reflected on the deep burgundy blood staining the youth’s skin, giving it a subtle glow as he smeared the liquid away from his eyes, gasping heavily as he tried to bring the much needed oxygen into his lungs. He could feel it trickling down the nape of his neck, soaking into the black of his shirt, trickling along the expanses of tanned skin. He released his grip on the body below him, allowing his fingers to slip from the now stretched collar of his opponent’s shirt.

“Scheiße!” The boy muttered under his breath, hastily checking the battered clock upon the wall, noting that it had reached into the early hours of dawn, only a few hours from the start of a new place of employment. He waded through the seas of fallen foes, black harem pants coming just to his calves, moving ever so slightly with each movement.

He found the nearest bathroom within the facility, drenching his face with water to remove the stains, bright eyes glancing at the lower half of the shattered mirror. Emerald and gold shimmered as he hastily retied the fabric to cover his golden eye, allowing him to once slip again slip into normality. Changing into a pair of dark skinny jeans, and pulling on the loosely laced, heavily worn-out doc martens, slipping a slightly oversized denim jacket, the blue dye faded and now inconsistent. 

His dark hair was uncontrollable, falling just above broad shoulders, messy bangs framing sharp features. His hands worked quickly to pull the chocolate locks into a messy bun, only just visible to those facing him front on. Strands came loose as his bangs fell once more, parting roughly in the middle.

The young teen jogged briskly back to his apartment, darting swiftly up the eight flights of stairs, taking three, or four at a time. He had been blessed with incredible athletic ability, an endless supply of stamina as his feet only just graced the ground with each leap, yet at times, he could not be sure. He burst through his front door, dumping his jacket and shirt on his unmade bed, pulling on a floral button down, leaving his dark jeans. However, he spent the few seconds to quickly roll the jeans up, allowing him to look just a little more polished.

He puled his satchel over his shoulder, shoving in his laptop, his wallet and phone into the abyss of the bag, before walking ever so briskly towards the bus stop.

It hadn’t taken long for the bus to arrive, seats bare, bar from the few struggling university students, trying desperately to stop their heads from falling into slumber. He decided to take a seat near the back, plugging headphones in to drown out the noise of the surrounds. He was sensitive to the noise, the light, the scents that plagued the air, making it difficult for him to process the world around him, crowding his mind.

He faced the front of the large sky scraper, having just departed from the bus, only an hour from his home. He felt almost excited, a new challenge for him to conquer. He walked through the automatic doors, a new sense of determination flowing through his veins. He approached the elevators, waiting patiently for the sleek doors to open.

He was met with a sense of fear he had never quite experienced, as his eyes lay on the male who had just approached from behind, taking his place in the other side of the elevator. It did not deter him however, as the teen stood tall with his shoulders back, his interest piqued. He could just catch a glimpse at the man beside him, who was only a smidgen shorter than he was. Ebony hair was cut into a crisp undercut, his silver eyes laying ahead at the doors once more. His torso was decorated in a burgundy button down, sleeves rolled to the elbow, baring his firm forearms, back jeans falling to a set of polished shoes. He could feel his cheeks heat up at the very slightest, at the sight of the man, yet he gave no indication of the feeling.

“After you.” A slightly German accent graced his tongue, as he gestured to the other, words polite yet cold. He followed shortly behind, his long strides making the task easy.

“Your name?” The sound brought shivers down his spine, the icy, yet somehow smooth tone filtering to his ears. He could feel his breath hitch, out of his control, his muscles tensing in the slightest of movements.

It took him a second, yet he responded strongly, voice still holding its strength.

“Eren, and your’s?” He tried to hide the accent, yet it still reared its head, notable yet not overpowering. The slight smirk that graced the mans lips told him that he had heard his question quite clearly. Eren cocked his head to the side ever so slightly, waiting for a response with the obedience of a tamed beast.

He let his eyes grazed the man up and down once more, a curious glint shining through the solitary emerald eye, glistening with small flecks of the golden hue, slowly infecting the eye, progressing. Eren had noticed this, he couldn’t help but stress about when the colour overtook his vision, how would he hide it? Despite his worries, the colour wasn’t noticeable enough to worry others, and for that he relaxed.

“Levi.” The man spoke, drawing the youth out of his long train of thought. Eren nodded, before the name clicked.

“I believe I’m your new secretary Sir!” He spoke up in a hurry, the word vomit exploding from his lips in an effort to maintain Levi’s attention. He could feel the stare of the shorter man, and it caused him to flush, just slightly. He shuffled, trying to maintain his composure to the best of his ability, hands clenched behind his back. He was rubbing the split skin adorning his knuckles, the cuts hissing slightly as the wounds began to close. Eren knew that his healing ability was unnatural, as he shoved the knuckles further behind his back allowing his eyes to fall back into their standard determined glare.

“Is that right? Get over here brat.” He immediately bristled at the nickname, his face morphing into an expression of mild annoyance. He could see the shorter male raise an eyebrow in interest, before turning towards the sleek office.

“You’ll work from this desk-” Levi gestured to the curved desk, sitting in-front of the glass walls to the dark haired male.

“You will not, at any time, let anyone past without seeking my approval first, you get that kid? My orders come above everyone’s - you are my secretary, and mine alone, you are not to be serving the other workers without my permission either.” Levi’s orders were stern, his voice strong enough to command an army, let alone a solitary teen. Yet Eren stood straight, shoulders broad, determined not to waver.

“Yes sir.” Eren responded with a voice unwavering, emerald locking with silver, their stare lasting a few second past what was considered normal. He relaxed slightly, falling back into his stance with a sense of grace.

“Go fetch me a large earl grey brat, I expect you back in ten, the shop is on fifth.” The order’s reached the youth’s ear. He nodded, before placing his bag under his desk, getting ready to rush off towards the café.

“You’re going to need this.” He could feel the heated breath down his neck, as Levi leant over the youth. Eren turned in shock, his arm automatically reeling back to strike the man, thrusting forward in self defence.

“Easy there kid, take the company card.” Levi’s hand grasp Eren’s wrist, his eyes inspecting the healing knuckle wounds with a sense of curiosity. He handed the teen the card, taking a step back.

“I’m nineteen, Ich bin nicht vier Jahre alt.” He murmured under his breath, grumbling, avoiding eye contact. He took the card in his grasp, snatching it ever so slightly. He stood tall, and strode off, refusing to give Levi the satisfaction that he had riled him up.

Finding the café was a fairly easy task, the small, niche establishment tucked in an alleyway near the city centre. The strong scent of the coffee beans caused his expression to curl into one of someone who was uncomfortable. He couldn’t stand how strong the scent was, and stepped into the establishment just a little faster than he should’ve. He hurriedly ordered the tea, holding his breath whilst talking to the cashier. He ignored her stares and questions, taking the tea and briskly making his way from the shop. 

Eren came to a stop outside his work place once again, hesitating ever so slightly before streaming through the doors, long strides exuding the confidence he feigned. He tea was hot yet his hands braved the temperature, waiting patiently for the elevator, despite his foot tapping in a regular rhythm. It was when he reached his floor that he relaxed ever so slightly, knocking on the glass door of his bosses’ door.

“May I come in?” He spoke in a cautious tone, poking his head into the space, his hair falling to obscure the view of his eye, the dark eye-patch neatly hiding his unusual feature. He tensed however, as Levi approached him, a small smirk on the mans face. He watched with a mildly confused expression, not allowing his muscles to move an inch. Levi stopped right in front of Eren, never breaking eye contact, he felt as if he was being judged, as if the man was testing just how strong of character he could be. His eye’s had his signature look of defiance, he however, backed slightly towards the wall, finding the close space between them uncomfortable. He was reacting out of instinct, to never let those who he didn’t trust to get within his personal space. 

Yet the raven trailed his fingertips up the tanned skin of his jaw, grasping his face, tilting it to get a closer look at his eye, brushing his bangs out of the way, with a such a gentle touch. Eren couldn’t help but freeze, in shock of just how tender the touch was, but he jerked back. He was unable to let the male grasp a proper look, in fear of his secret, as Levi’s face morphed into one of confusion. Before it fell back to its usual impassive nature. Eren could feel the muscles throughout his body ripple, reeling, he wanted to strike something, especially since his knuckles had finally closed.

He took a seat at his desk, cracking the joints throughout his knuckles, neck and shoulders, refusing to acknowledge what happened earlier, before setting back to work.

 

\--

 

A grin stretched across the tanned skin, as he carefully wound his wraps around hands, from his knuckles to his mid forearms, to pad his opponents from the lethal precision of his strikes, before following suit with his ankles and feet. Eren fought in a style similar to that of the French Savate, a style of kickboxing designed to strike the vital spaces within one’s body, whilst weaving in elements of muay thai, the brute force strength, mainly focusing on the knees and elbows. He worked well within kickboxing, however to say that he could throw a punch was a major understatement. He lived on the adrenaline that the combat brought him, it earned him money, a way to bring food to the table since his mother passed, as his father drank away any chance he had of recovering.

Having moved out at sixteen, He dropped out of school to be able to live alone. He had grown up alone for years however, barely able to survive, and at age eleven, began to participate in the “titan’s underground”, a place to verse those who wanted blood, to beat those around him into submission.

His father had been the one to push him into the ring, in a way to get another set of cash, get through the countless beatings, as he slowly clawed his way to the top, and the plethora of experiments the doctor had performed on his young son, the boy had grown stronger.

Yet there was still someone he had to beat, a man by the alias of humanities strongest, who had reigned for longer than the boy could remember. He had never seen the man, yet craved the opportunity to finally reign amongst the kings. He had changed into his gear once again, stripping the eye patch in favour of being bale to see clearly. The golden eye’s pupil thinned, forming a slit, obscured by his bangs once again. His hair was braiding atop his head, to pull it away, so that it was not able to be tugged on.

Taking in a deep breath, he took his place in the ring, striding through the crowd. He was in a relaxed position, resting the majority of his weight on the balls of his feet, lightly bouncing from foot to foot as his excitement. He could hear the crowd jeering, growing in volume as a figure appeared. When the figure began to look familiar, Eren knew the shorter figure approaching, the broad shoulders and ebony hair.

An exasperated sigh left his lips, as he tucked stray strands behind his ears again. The two eyes in full view. He scanned the man in front of him, taking in every detail of Levi’s figure with caution. He still had a grin on his face, eager to land a blow on the man in front of him, to take himself to the top. 

The announcer was shouting, spouting nonsense about how strong each of them were, how he was an underdog and destined to lose. Eren was still grinning lazily, a smirk playing on his lips as he cocked his head to the side ever so slightly, taunting his opponent. Levi’s eyes were trained on his, his cold expression intimidating, bringing his excitement down, however Eren still had the fire blazing behind his irises. 

“3,2,1 … fight!”

The bell sounded, and Eren leapt forward. He was on the attack, his fist striking Levi’s forearm as the older male skilfully blocked. He was champion for a reason, and Eren was ready to push those limits. He was frustrated however, at the fact that his punches weren’t landing, but he was still going strong.

Until the raven’s fist collided his Jaw.

The force was strong enough for the bone to immediately crack under the pressure, a feeling the boy hadn’t felt since his dad had brought a hammer down onto his face,

And yet he only grinned wider.

Eren used a spare hand to relocate the bones, listening to the satisfying hiss of the bones knitting themselves back together, allowing him to move the jaw once more within seconds.

There was confusion on Levi’s face, a raised eyebrow speaking louder than a words, it gave him a priceless opportunity, a moment to break that impervious barrier. He spun his weight to the left, whipping his body around whilst in mid air, completing the rotation as the side of his foot connected with the mans cheek, his almost straight leg now coming towards the ground as he landed with grace, still on the balls of his feet. The force of the impact knocking the male towards the ground, stumbling.

The cheers of the crowd further cemented his small victory, as he launched into another kick at the mans ribs, shifting his body weight onto his back foot, before landing blow, after blow. But he wasn’t able to hold his upper hand, as he felt the man grab his lower leg, gripping it before throwing his weight forward, knocking him onto the floor, his back hitting the mats with a sickening thud.

With a small groan, he braced for the impact, shielding his face and neck with his forearms. Levi was on top of him, straddling his waist as he brought a fist down onto his left forearm, snapping the radius and ulna after two blows. The pain seared up his arm as he hissed, setting the bones in place with his other hand. His arms were out of action, rendering his upper body useless in combat for at least the next few minutes, an injury that he’s never consider to be inconvenient, yet the youth allowing the corners of his mouth to grow ever wider, revealing teeth that were just slightly pointer than those around him 

“Du hure-!” He spoke in exasperated tones, a deep underlying snarl poking through the expression of malcontent.

There were hands at his throat, the pale digits contrasting to the subtle golden glow of tanned skin, winding tighter around the vital airway. Yet, no matter how hard he tried to dislodge the appendages, they grasp his neck with more force that should be humanly possible, feeling the vertebrae groan under the pressure.

 

  

(Yet he would fester over these sensations, curled over in the dark confines of the apartment where he resided, He ached to relish over such feelings in private. Yet to bring himself to delve so deep into the darkened passages of his desires required courage far beyond the boy.  
  
He could already _feel_ his skin crawl.)

 

 

“Fuck you.” He spoke with such determination, staring up into the gunmetal irises with his own look of defiance, not allowing his expression to falter, not when those dark spots danced frivolously around the edges of his vision, he held out until he felt his own body betray him.

And yet he almost swore he saw the ghost of a smile upon his lips.

 

\--

 

Eren awoke with an ache settling deep into his bones, a feeling he had come welcome after so many years. It was by no means the first time the boy had lost his fights, coming back stronger to conquer them at a later date. However, he’d never found someone that he so desperately wanted to beat, to prove himself, to assert that he was capable.

There were murmurings, a worried tone that caused the boy to roll over, sitting up with a sort of feline grace, stretching both arms up, he felt his shoulders crack with a satisfying pop. His figure was surprisingly lithe in comparison to the majority of the fighters around him, graceful and willowy, sharp features and wide eyes.

There was a rather large scar running down his chest, forming a delicate “y” shape. Turning his head slightly, he gained a better understanding of the space around him, noting the metal bowl, shaped like that of a kidney, filled with what he would assume to be his own innards.

Leaping down from the clinic table, he crept towards the door, moving towards the sound of hurried voices. Yet before alerting those of his presence, he picked up his pants from the table beside him, hurriedly pulling them on to keep a shred of his dignity.

“Hello?” He spoke softly, leaning against the doorway, arms folded.

The reaction was what he was unprepared for.

His gaze fell upon a familiar male, noting the familiar undercut, belonging to the one christened Levi. Yet there was an unfamiliar female, chocolate hair pulled back into a messy ponytail, glasses resting upon her nose.

“Holy shit.” The girl murmured, eyes wide with what he could only to be shock. Turning his eyes towards Levi once more. His eyes were impassive, yet there was that ghost of a smile filtering into his expression, causing a grin of his own.

“You’re supposed to be- holy shit Levi! His regenerative ability is-“ She was close, reaching a hand out to touch the mark running down his abdomen. He couldn’t help put flinch, pushing the hand away with force, a defensive reaction.

“Step back Hanji, leave him be.” Levi’s voice was smooth, deep and rich, bringing a shiver down the spine of the younger boy. He stood up straighter, refraining from leaning against the doorway. Levi was shorter, if only by a little, but it didn’t do anything to combat the way he was intimidated by the male, as the offender stepped to be face to face.

“Now tell me brat, why someone like you is in the underground.” It was a curious question, something that Eren hadn’t thought about for a while, a rumbling feeling of frustration rising throughout his gut.

“I had to.” He spoke quietly, there was venom in his tone, sounding almost defeated. Shifting awkwardly, averting his gaze. His bangs were sticking to his forehead, the dark strands falling to frame his almost pained expression, gritted teeth and clenched fists.

Silence blanketed the room, bar from the murmurings of who Eren assumed to be Hanji, as she paced to and fro, ignoring the pair behind her. He was growing impatient, tapping his left bare foot. 

“The underground thinks your dead, we can’t risk you going back. You know how much the cartels would kill to gain the secret of your regenerative abilities, you’d be hunted.” It was that cold voice brought his attention back to the room, breaking the tense silence.

“What do you expect me to do! This is my life, source of income, I can’t just leave.” He was growing exasperated, raising his voice slightly. He had lived the majority of his teen years within the underground rings, using the money to survive into his early adulthood without a parental figure.

“I’ll fund it you little shit, I’ll raise your pay check to cover this ok? We’ll shift you over from just a secretary to work within our survey unit, there’s a fuck tonne of shit to catch you up on.” The exhausted tone was evident in the presumably older males voice. Eren nodded, his lips forming a thin line, sighing softly. 

“What does the survey unit do?” The brunette spoke again, raising an arched brow, sceptical of the man before him.

 

 

 

“ _We hunt_.”


	2. the youth and his fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaa its been forever
> 
> ok so, I probably owe an explanation for my absence, so have an abridged version. 
> 
> Basically, I have had a long standing battle with depression and anger management/anxiety (original, I know.) and took some time away to centre myself and get on top of my work, I am in my senior year and studying an advanced degree plus misc. courses at uni, its fair to say I've been pretty busy. It was a period of self care, sorry for being MIA kids. 
> 
> I live in the sorthern hemisphere, so its exam season right now and it was pretty tough, but the worst of it is over, and I've ben itching to continue this. 
> 
> But this thot is back and we are ready to rumble oops, I aim to hopefully update once every week or so, a month at the worst, and promise to keep y'all updated.
> 
> this is the last sorta prologue bit, from here on out its drama and angst and some terrible terrible things but but, i have a few promises for chapter three
> 
> \- sick fighting  
> \- jean/eren discourse  
> \- more hints to what the fuck this boy actually is  
> \- fun fact, levi is 100 percent not human, ooo
> 
>  
> 
> anyway I'm a whore for feedback, feed me. 
> 
> your boy billy.

Eren had taken a rather slow walk home that evening, preferring to wander rather aimlessly through the dark roads, an urban jungle. It was an environment where he could run wild, roam through his land free of restrictions, the darkness providing cover to his innately curious nature – a cloak to shield the world from his anomalies.

With his clothes presumably destroyed, he had lost a number of the possessions he had brought to the fight, bar from the clothes he was wearing, and whilst it had been a major inconvenience, the youth now wrapped in a coat a few sizes too big for him, a temporary loan from Hanji, which he had promised to bring back the following morning.

The boy was nothing if not grateful for the way out he had been given from the underground, and yet, despite the gift, he could feel the itch deep set within his bones, craving the adrenaline from combat. It was that feeling Levi had promised to sate, within the survey corps, with the shorter man briefly explaining how they policed and targeted those who the law enforcement couldn’t handle, often relating to more, supernatural elements.

It was something up in Eren’s alley, however his limited knowledge provided no help for understanding the information he had received, but he had some sort of faint trust for the raven, and opted to wait for his introduction supposedly happening in the evening.

Stepping through back stairway door once more, he leapt up the stairs, that all too familiar grace surrounding his movements, his solitude allowing for him to move in such a way that was not quite human. The youth held no memories that indicated just what he was, but he knew deep down that his long deceased father had something to do with his memory loss, the lack of childhood memoirs had never been too concerning.

Despite the large size, his space as almost homely. The majority of Eren’s furniture was thrifted, a wild mix of vintage aesthetics and muted colours, minimalistic designs and plenty of exposed timber. He was lucky in a sense, as the apartment had a myriad of large windows, allowing for an excess of natural light to filter through in the early hours in the morning, creating a more open feel. His home was his sanctuary, a place of comfort, a lair to call his own. He had taken time to decorate and nurture the space, maintaining a neat appearance – he was nowhere near being a neat freak, but the young adult knew how to appreciate a tidy space.

Roughly folding the coat he had previously taken off, Eren placed the garment on the side table near the entrance to his home. To call it an apartment was a bit of a stretch, the old brick warehouse having been purchased by his father when he was only a few years old, the floors having been knocked out of the space, a mezzanine sitting high above the first floor, casing his bed and almost excessive amount of pillows and beanbags that sat in the corner to the left of his bed. The mezzanine was clad in shock proof glass, situated on a polished concrete floor – matching the surface of the lower level. The space was suspended with a variety of wires, fixed to the braces in the walls and exposed ceilings, with the previous floor beams still suspended throughout the space.

Eren often climbed those beams, watching his home from the higher ground, either using the chains that he had hung over the bars, or getting a good run up to the wall and gracefully bounding from surface to surface, grappling his body up to sit on the structures, his lithe form moving without any wasted movements.

He was given the space to use as a rampage ground when he was young, he had faded memories of using the space to train and remain contained from the outside world, the sharp pain that would burn down his spine has he felt his humanity fade – lingering sensations long lost to the brunette. He had set the space up with all of his old training gear in a section of the lower level, a weighted impact bag just off from the center of the space, crash pads lining the floor, dark stains faded into the black fabric, where he was unable to scrub the bloodstains out completely.

Dragging sore muscles up to the light switch, he turned on the string of black pendant lights strung from beam to beam, illuminating the home in a soft warm glow. It was taxing on him when his body had to reform after death, especially with the recreation of the majority of his internal organs. It often left him irritable and exhausted, a period of low patience that was often noticeable.

He would sleep well that night. 

 

\--

 

There was a knock on his door at roughly six thirty am, causing the youth to jump slightly. He had sprinted down the stairs, opening the door inwards, it took a second for him to come down from the anxious scare, his tense figure relaxing slightly as his breathing calmed. His hair was a mess, loose waves parted deep on his left side, tucked behind his ears, his bangs no longer hiding his eyes, the emerald slowly retreating as the gold moved to conquer the remainder of his unaffected iris.

He was met with those all too familiar silver hues, his blood immediately rushing to his face as he leant against the door way, realizing in his rush to make it to the door, he had forgotten to pull a shirt over his heavily scarred torso, the sight often a little confronting to those who didn’t know of it. He watched the other rake in his form, expression unchanging when their eyes met again, bar from the subtle upturning of the others lips, just barely there.

“We’re going out today brat, here’re your clothes, go hurry and change. We’ve got breakfast, and you need a haircut.” It wasn’t something he could argue with, he had been unable of late to afford going to a hairdresser, he was almost looking forward to it.

Nodding furiously, he tried to remain calm to the best of his ability, ignoring the rising anxiety from being so open – it wasn’t something he was used to.   

The rush to work was an intense one – a flurry of combing untamable hair, the boy pulling on a long sleeved black turtleneck, fitting tight to his form, and his higher-waist black jeans, a stable item in his wardrobe. They sat just above the hip bone, accentuating the subtle curve of his waist, the shirt tucked in loosely, a black belt with decorative silver buckle adding distinction between pieces. He had a few golden bands clasped tight on his wrists, two matching rings on each hand. Rushing towards the door, he tucked his hair into a low bun, a few wavy strands falling free. Placing a flat brimmed, round black hat on his head, he stepped out to meet the group again, greeted with a black luxury car that probably cost more than his home.

“I-uh thanks sir.” Eren murmured as he walked to meet with Levi, as he was ushered to sit in the backseat of the vehicle, his form sinking into the plus leather, an almost audible groan of comfort as he allowed his eyes to close, just for a second.

“You’re going to need this.” It caused the boy to jump ever so slightly, dragging him out of his day-dreaming, a bad habit he’d had since his youth.

Levi held out an eyepatch, a gentle shine reflecting off the soft fabric. Only one of his eyes held a slit pupil, a shade of gold so bright that it caught the sun like the metal of the same name, glowing under direct light much like that of a feline.

It was differing from his old one, with a thin silken ribbon instead of the usual elastic. Taking it slowly, he flipped the item over in his hands, admiring just how soft it was in his hands, a take away from his rough homemade cotton ones.

Pulling the hat off his head, he rest it carefully in his lap, taking the elastic from his hair, attempting to tie the ribbon amongst the thick locks. After a few times, he was still unsuccessful, the frustration building as he tangled his fingers into his hair, tugging to prevent his anger from rising.

“…Mutter verdammt Stück Hure.” His voice was soft, as he purposely strung out his breathing, mouthing numbers as he calmed his nerves.

“Calm down dipshit, give it here.” Levi’s clipped words didn’t hold venom, yet the icy tone caused him to tense up, gritting his teeth and releasing his fingers from the locks.

He was hesitant, eyeing the raven with a sceptical gaze, shifting away ever so slightly. It took perhaps, thirty seconds of deliberating before he slowly handed the patch to the other man, moving back so that his back faced the other, not liking the way he was unable to see Levi’s movements. He was instructed to hold the patch to his eye, as slender fingers pushed his hair to the side, deft movements coming the strands as the tie was fastened, pulled tight into bow. Eren couldn’t help but lean into the touch, if only slightly, keeping his head down as nails brushed the nape of his neck on the way out, eliciting goose bumps to spread for just a split second.

Turning back around, the brunette cocked his head to the side in a silent question of “Good?” receiving a hum of approval, a deep rich sound never failing to raise his interest.

The trip was sat in comfortable silence, the fifteen minute journey punctuated with sporadic instances of quiet humming on Eren’s part, his gaze directed out the window, his head rested on his hand, hair pulled back once more, the hat resting loosely on his head. 

It was almost a gift to have that car ride, the silence, air-conditioning and smooth ride gave the youth a well-deserved break, allowing him to day-dream for just a brief moment. He loved to take time away to let his thoughts wonder, almost a defense mechanism, his disassociation, his escape from his life throughout the underground. 

It was a less than, _desirable_ experience.  

On arrival, he slinked out of the door, opting to open itself instead of waiting for the driver to allow him to exit the vehicle. An expression of subtle awe spread across his features, breaking his impassive features. Standing in front of a salon, he couldn’t help but stare at the high ceilings, how clear chandeliers hung atop of impossibly clear mirrors, sleek black hairs lining the walls with potted plants in white ceramic pots deliberately littering the floor. He could see why he was dressed up from his usual casual work attire, he felt as if he fit in.

Following Levi through the door, Eren was ushered into a seat, a cloak around his neck before he could utter a word of protest. There was chatter behind him, a language he didn’t understand, yet he could place the sounds presumably as French.

There were hands touching his hair, a sudden sensation that caused the boy to bristle as he snatched the offending hand, eyes widening ever so slightly with that all too familiar wild look. It took a second for him to release the hand, the gaze of the small group within the establishment focused on his form, it was unsettling.

“M’sorry.” His words were soft, as he suck down further into the chair, attempting to keep himself looking small, unable to control his instincts.

“..It’s ok hun, we’re going to shorten you up-round the back, and even out those bangs – they’ll still be a little shorter up near the center, is the bridge of your nose a good length?” Her words were soft, displaying no fright from the previous encounter, after her small pause. It brought a sense of comfort to the youth, the guilt dissipating just slightly.

Nodding, he removed the patch from his face, opting to hold it against his eye whilst the stylist trimmed the overgrown waves. He could feel the excess hair fall as he listened carefully to the buzz of the clippers, focusing his thoughts on the noise.

When the stylist moved to the front, Eren closed his eyes, holding the patch over the offending iris. Despite his lack of vision, he was acutely aware of every movement, the noise allowing him to pinpoint the positions of the scissors, her hands, the quiet steps around him.

He was especially aware of the constant gaze he suspected Levi was holding.

It had taken all of half an hour, subtle layers and trimmed bangs, his hair back to the shortened length he preferred, buzzed up the back and the very base of the side with a soft fade into the longer strands adorning the top of his head, roughly parted down the middle to fall into the bangs that fell down to the bride of his nose, growing longer towards the edges of his features, framing his features. 

It was safe to say he loved it.

There was a small grin on his face, as he thanked the stylist, replacing the hat into his head once more, quietly asking for help with the tie, opting to save face and let the shorter man assist him.

“We’ll pick something up from the café near the office, you’ve got orientation.” There was a firm grasp on his upper arm, dragging him from salon with a level of urgency he was unused to.

However, he did once again enjoy the car ride there.

                                           

 --

  

The office was just the way he remembered, the sleek design was simple and kept him focused, but when they passed his area it brought a sense confusion, but he was quiet, deciding to refrain from voicing his concerns. 

They passed through Levi’s office, meeting in an elevator that was discreetly placed, making their way down for a an amount of time that was almost uncomfortably long, just under three minutes. It wasn’t cramped per-se, but to remain in an enclosed space for so long caused his breathing to quicken, his fists curling and clenching in measured movements, his gaze steely and focused on the wall on front of him.

He exhaled when they exited, moving through a series of halls to find themselves in a large open space, a perceived training room, filled with a variety of instruments, training spaces and crashmats, it was evident it was used for combat. There were others waiting, a variety of late teens and young adults that seemed to be roughly his age, ranging from a short, blonde boy to a tall, two toned young adult, with many in between.

‘Right you shits, meet your new comrade. He’s had extensive combat experience, and doesn’t require the initial training you have recently completed. Eyebrows, your turn to take over.” There was a tall, broad man standing behind the group, evidently older than the others.

“Ok cadets, I’d like you to meet Eren. Care to introduce yourself?” It was a rich tone, considerably warmer than the darker haired male, oozing a sort of care that put him on edge, he wasn’t too sure if it was genuine. He had placed his hand on the brunettes shoulder, pushing him forward slightly, before Eren brushed the hand away.

“Hey, uh my name is Eren Jaeger, just call me Eren, I’m 19, I was born in Germany, and I work at Maria industries as Mr. Ackerman’s secretary. Thanks for having me.” He spoke in a firm tone, betraying no hint of nervousness, despite the slight and almost deliberate pause as he formulated his sentence.

There were hushed whispers throughout the group, a few glares and expressions of curiosity, 

 

It was going to be a long day.


	3. the demon and his protégé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a week? Be proud of me. 
> 
> Right ok warnings for overly descriptive violence and colourful insults. 
> 
> Next chapter is right into the juicy good shit I promise, we'll finally see what some of the characters look like and behave as sires, I'll get it up asap tbh, but its going to be a doozy so I don't know if I'll do one 3000-5000 work chapter or two smaller ones.
> 
> also, surprisingly, erwin isnt a complete dick in this.
> 
> anyway feed me with comments u know i love it

After a brief introduction from the group, Erwin had pulled Eren aside, whilst the others went back to sparring under Levi’s tuition, he could hear the grunts and hisses of pain, the sharp orders and quiet “Yes sir’s”, the cheers of victory.

“Look, you’ve missed a lot, but let me briefly explain for you.” The tone was still warm, with a relaxed tone, but it held authority, he wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to obey, as he kicked down the urge to challenge that authority.

“This is the Survey Corp, as Levi has most likely described, we take on issues that law enforcement isn’t equipped for. We fight what we like to call “Titans”, like the name of the ring you were once a part of. They are humans corrupted by the divine.” Erwin must have seen the look of confusion pass across his features, because the blonde paused, taking a second. 

“All throughout literature, quote ‘angels and demons’ have been around throughout history, but in reality, they are one and the same in a way. We call them originals, pure descendants and sires, Originals are long extinct, they had no way of reproducing, they would reincarnate and possess a new host when they died. This applies for pure descendants too, however there are a small group of them alive – take Levi for example, he’s the next iteration of a creature called Azazel, he’s our greatest asset, you might’ve known him as Humanities Strongest.” Eren finally felt as if he was gaining a grasp on the concept, as he leant his weight against the wall, cocking his head to the side slightly, patiently listening. There was a sense of disbelief he couldn't shake.

“There’s only one way to kill him, and originals alike, by initially taking them out so that are required to take a new host, and then seal them before they find a new host, causing them to grow corrupt until the eventually fall apart.” Nodding slowly, Eren hummed in understanding, straightening up his posture, growing more interested.

“The issue is when humans come in contact with these seals, there are shards of their essence littering the earth. Hosts are taken when they are newborns, you need a soul pure of hate to be able to handle them, yet when adults, or teens decide to listen to their cries, it clings onto every aspect of their hatred, creating power hungry monsters, they aren’t often sentient, and are usually disfigured monsters. We hunt down the sentient creatures before they can cause too much damage, while the rest of the corp focuses on the lower beings.” It had finally come together for the youth, he had fragmented memories of these corrupt creatures, often chained down in the basement alongside him.

“Sires are a little different, it’s when a pure descendant and a human create a half-blooded child, and the gene continues down, appearing in only a few select individuals. They live indefinitely like originals and descendants, however they don’t reincarnate. That's what the group in front of you are, and what we suspect you to be. We’ll be coaxing out transformations today, to determine what creature descendant’s blood everyone has originated from. We have a few confirmed cases, for example Mikasa, see the girl with the dark hair?” Erwin gestured to a taller girl, ebony hair cut just below the chin, sporting a similar frosty expression to Levi. She was incredibly adept at combat, often wiping the floor with other cadets.

“Are her and Levi related?” He’d asked the question before he could shut his mouth, allowing his features to morph in to a look of embarrassment, clamping his jaw shut before he could say something stupid.

“Yes Eren, a few centuries back, Levi’s predecessor sired a child, the Ackerman clan is known to have a string of great fighters. Levi was possessed by Azazel in his early teens, he’s an abnormally – a being strong enough to handle him, he was able to remain uncorrupted.” A sigh of relief escaped his lips, as Erwin sported a sympathetic smile.

“Follow me for a second.” The pair moved towards what appeared to be the change rooms. He was handed two items of clothing, a long sleeved black shirt, with a pair of harem pants matching in colour, resembling his old gear.

“We had your old gear remade, there are your wraps too, go join the group once you’re done.” There was a smile gracing his lips, having been given something familiar, he was itching to join the group.

Changing quickly, he relished the feeling of binding his hands, wrists and ankles, a sensation he was used to, it brought comfort, it made him feel powerful, a routine he had had for years.

“You can take the patch off kid.” Were the words that greeted him when he came out of the change rooms, Levi standing directly in front of him, the group silent behind him. It was awkward for him to remove, slipping the item off his face, shaking his bangs to obscure the irises, unable to get rid of the feeling being exposed.

“Right, pair up, I want Mikasa with Eren to start with, then rotate clockwise, five minute rounds, the victor is the cadet who wins the most rounds.” The group dispersed, with Eren following behind the dark haired girl, finding solace in her silence, the way she moved without making so much as a whisper.

They faced each other, with Mikasa holding out a hand, the pair shaking it firmly to cement some sort of bond.

“Welcome to the 104th squad.” Her voice wasn’t warm per-se, but it held an undertone of care that he could appreciate, he’d already grown to like her complexity.

When the round started, Eren was taken off guard by Mikasa’s immediate attack, her moved were reminiscent of Levi’s, fast and graceful, yet she moved much more like a dancer. If the youth wasn’t trying to prevent himself from getting hit, he would be appreciating her skill.

Eren stayed on the defense, waiting patiently for a time to strike. He landed a few hits, however none were enough to take the win. She reeled up to plant a low kick to his calve, aimed to bring the brunette down to the floor, just as the round was coming to a close.

Eren’s eyes followed that leg with ease, the limb looking as if it was moving through syrup. He was sporting a grin at this point, paired with the slight upturn of Mikasa’s lips, eliciting a few confused looks as the two sparred. As she went to perform the kick, her outstretching to counter balance, an _opening_.

Eren made use of that limb, grasping the forearm in an iron hold, he could see her expression morph into one of regret, as he used the momentum of her move to toss her head forwards, face first towards the ground. Keeping his grip firm, he twisted slightly along with her, pushing her down as her legs went over her head and she landed onto her back, the thud muted by the obnoxiously blue crash mats. 

The buzzer went off at a high shrill, causing the youth to slam his hands over his ears in a flurry, visibly cringing until the offending noise stopped. He wasn’t the only one to have this reaction, yet his was by far the most severe.

The group slowly shuffled around, mixing up with new pairs. He was standing in front of the two-toned boy from before, the smirk on the others face already rubbing the youth the wrong way.

“Can’t you control your form? Or is something wrong with you.” There words were overly confident, a statement that almost shattered his self-control, ruining the fragile wall he had built between him and what had been christened-

 

-

 

(He could feel the shards, the way they dug raw into his flesh as he reached down into the deepest trenches of his inhibitions. 

The boy itched to reach out and _destroy._

 

It wasn’t like a lion to lament over the lamb.)

 

 -

 

His hand curled into the fabric of the others shirt, his fist reeling back as he planted it forward into the deepest crevices of Jean’s features, repeatedly feeling the sensation of flesh under his fingertips, the drenching of his own skin in the sickly crimson liquid. The boy had pushed the other to the ground, hips straddling his chest as he continued the onslaught, eyes blazing the colour of molten sunlight, a faint glow surrounding the irises.

“Ich möchte- sehen, wie du blutest!” His words were ground out through gritted teeth, the language harsh on soft lips, the youth pausing slightly before bringing his arm back once more, ignoring the growing pleas from the man below him.

Someone grasped that arm, yanking him back until he was sprawled on the floor, a harsh growl forcing its way through his throat, a rough hand in his hair, entangling in the strands to pull him back further, holding him down by the assailants legs, his body contorted into an uncomfortable sitting position. 

His breathing was heavy, seething, pointed teeth bared as his lips curled.

“Eren fucking Jaeger- Reign it in or I’ll beat you you until you do.” Eren’s eyes were glazing over, before the boy abruptly nodded his head, ignoring the looks he was getting from blonde he had just assaulted.

“Fine” He never stopped looking forward, his eyes narrowed as he kept his muscles increasingly still, holding them tense.

“What the fuck is wrong with you! You’re fucking insane you asshole.” Eren couldn’t help but bristle, struggling against grip, trying to reach towards the taller boy, being held firm at Levi’s feet.

“I’m not the one who’s mum had sexual fantasies so blatantly Freudian that she fucked a horse and decided that she didn’t want to abort whatever mistake you are!” He spoke in a smoother tone, his exasperated expression changing into a lazy smirking grin, standing slowly as the grip on his hair was released.

There was an abrupt silence throughout the room once more, a few of the students trying to hide their laughter, there was almost a grin on the raven’s features

It was a welcome change in atmosphere, bringing an almost jovial mood back into the space, loosening the tensions that were thick within the room.

“Chamber in five.” It was Erwin who spoke this time, gesturing to the hallway to the left, his tone sharper than before. The group filed through the corridor, the polished cement floors mirroring those in his own home, the walls a shade of muted blue. It came to an end when they reached what appeared to be a viewing box, a few chairs surrounding a control console, overlooking an extensive arena. 

It resembled a village, with a variety of houses intersected with stone streets, surrounded by trees and various smaller structures. He couldn’t help but be in awe, mapping out potential points where he could hold an advantage.

He was standing behind the others, opting to remain less conspicuous, avoiding the front of the room. The crowd was restless, with a variety of the cadets itching to move, shuffling to and fro, awaiting instructions. It was a tense atmosphere, the rising sense of urgency was hard to ignore.

“We’re splitting up for this drill, I want Mikasa, Jean, Marco, Sasha, Eren and Armin in one team, then the rest of you on the other, you’ll be rotating positions, but I want team one to start as the hunters, and team two as the titans.” Erwin had seemingly taken over the instructing, as Levi sat back against the wall. Eren had caught the others gaze one or twice, turning away each time.

“You know the rules, no drawing blood, you’ll be wearing vests and the ‘blades’ and firearms have touch sensors – make contact with a vest and they’ll light up red. Team one, you won’t need vests, pick your weapons, team two, suit up.” The group moved towards the racks of equipment, one side holding various black vests, resembling the protective armor worn by tactical teams.

Eren took a second to look over the extensive rack of weaponry, a variety of blades and firearms lining the wall. He was immediately drawn to the items he was most familiar with – short blades and semi-automatic pistols, close combat being his specialty. Deciding on a drop-leg holster, the brunette strapped the weapon to his thigh, carrying a spare magazine, holding specially designed rubber casings. Along with this, he strapped two straight, 12cm blades in a cross-formation on the small of his back, for ease of use.

Once he was finished, he took the time to observe the others, trying to determine the strengths of his team. The shorter blonde, Armin, opted for a long ranger firearm; a sniper rifle, indicating that long range was his specialty. Longer blades were chosen by Mikasa, short swords and throwing knives, a mid-range fighter.

He was used to observing, often noting small details about his opponents – preferred weaponry, moves and tactics, it was self-preservation, a habit coming in useful when determining the way he should go about defeating his opponent, but more often than not he flew headfirst straight into combat without a second thought.

The ‘Titans’ got a head start on the hunters, making their way down to the arena with a ten minute period to disperse. The rest of the teens moved closer together, with Mikasa dragging Eren towards the group, with as much affection as a mother tiger held towards her cubs, it was almost, endearing.

“How many of us are close to midrange offensive types?” It was Armin who spoke up this time, the usually meek appearing boy raising his usually quiet voice, the others surprisingly, respecting his tone and choosing to remain polite. A few students raised their hands, including himself, with Jean, Mikasa and Sasha indicating they fell into the category.

“And Marco? Are you long range?” Marco nodded, gesturing to the rifle leaning against the wall next to him, a little smaller than the one Armin chose.

“Right, Eren, Mikasa, I want you two to cover each other and scour internal structures, corner and pick them off one by one, don’t let them touch you – you’ll be out for the rest of the round. Jean, Sasha, I want you two to scour the perimeter and take down the runners. Marco, Find a clock tower near the left, towards the trees, you’ll have greatest coverage.” When Armin had finished, the rest of the group split into their respective teams, ignoring the observing leaders.

Making their way down to the arena, Eren stayed close to Mika, the anticipation rising deep within his gut. He was grinning, the gold returning back to one of his eyes, moving slowly towards the other. He had little to no control over the colour, the slightly point to his teeth returning.

“Are you unable to control your form?” Mikasa’s words weren’t questioning, accusatory, just holding a pure sense of curiosity. Eren took a second to think about the question as they made the journey towards the space. 

“I don’t know, this is the way I’ve looked since well, since I can remember, I was blonde for a while as a kid though, but that was when I was really small, I was told my eyes were grey before they went green.” Eren’s words were casual, the smile still slightly evident on his lips.

Mikasa neglected to respond verbally, deciding to nod with small hum of agreement. They walked into the village, and the anticipation returned.

“Hey Mika, most kills shouts coffee, ready?” It was Eren who spoke up that time, turning to find Mikasa sporting a small smile, seeming to enjoy the nickname.

“You’re on.”

Eren moved first, scrambling to the top of the first building, opting to pursue from a higher ground, as Mika took to the streets. He found the run from roof top to roof top exhilarating, opting to avoid the secretive route and scour the area for the other team.

He caught gaze of a brunette, later identifying her as Ymir, and leapt down from the rooftop, stalking her, and he blonde girl – Krista, moving together as a pair, seemingly a couple. Perching around a corner, he pulled the firearm from its holster, quickly moving from around the corner, firing two shots at the blonde, watch her jump with fright as her vest lit up read, her body thrown forward slightly from the impact of the rounds.

Ymir was quick to react, turning to face Eren, a glare on her features. It wasn’t entirely serious, but the drill was to help them in a matter of life and death, both groups were fighting as if they were fighting for their lives.

Eren ran at her, shoving the firearm into the holster and pulling one of the knives as he diverted at the last second, turning towards the wall to his left, planting his left foot on the surface, pushing himself up as he twisted his weight towards the right, twisting midair as he pushed off from the brick wall. He twisted his form to plant his elbow at Ymir’s sternum, bringing his legs down to land sitting on her stomach, holding the knife to her throat.

He tapped the blade against her chest plate, before getting up slowly, offering a hand to pull the girl up.

“Came down a bit hard, you okay Ymir?” The girl took his hand, as he pulled her up, giving her a grin.

“You’re good, don’t worry about it.” Her voice held a sense of satisfaction, as if she didn’t take anything he did personally, as the pair shook hands, he already grew fond of her attitude. 

The rest of the exercise moved rather quickly, with Eren taking down one more from the opposing team. It brought him to tie with Mikasa. The lights flashed red at the top of the space, with Mika pulling him aside as they made their way back to the viewing box. 

They made their way up to the box, with Levi and Erwin standing there to meet the group, now with Hanji by their side. There was a smile on the scientists face, whilst the other two looked solemn.

“Get prepped you shits, we’ve got a coven down 5th avenue, eleven in total.” Levi spoke up once more, spoken nonchalantly, the descendant halfheartedly flipping a switchblade in between the pale digits, cementing in just how intimidating he could be.


	4. the trouble and resilience ` part one.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're back hoes! 
> 
> ok this is a shortie but, but, its right deep with the action i swear.
> 
> some warnings: 
> 
> \- overly graphic violence  
> \- inferred and described abuse  
> \- more violence
> 
> Im sorry for ending on a cliff hanger! but this was the most natural way to end it, im writing the next chapter now !!!! i love this project. 
> 
> just so you know any thing in brackets and off to the right is like, a) internal monologue, and b) conflict. If it isnt already inferred, Eren suffers from PTSD, this is a manifestation of his anxieties, urges and memories. 
> 
> despite my sporadic posting im trying to be regular, uni sucks ass y'know???
> 
> have i mentioned yall are gonna be shook next chapter?? yall are gonna be shook. I have three clues
> 
> \- I am big into mythology and religious studies  
> \- if you havent already noticed, this story references judaism, a lot of the inspiration is taken from that and catholic ideologies, so hmu if i fuck something up but I have been researching the ever loving fuck out of these to get a decent plot going.  
> \- ya boi has no irises
> 
>  
> 
> good luck !!! ten points to anyone who guesses something on the right track, tune in next week for part two.

The group moved swiftly, quickly removing their training gear to find their way towards the equipment store, the students strapping into a new set weaponry, similar to the ones previously used. It was almost too fluid, the brunette standing out from the group with a flurry of confused movements and hurried glances.

Each member in the group There was a sense of excitement, nervous energy causing the boy to jitter slightly as he slipped the magazines into the holsters strapped to his thigh, quickly strapping the blades to his hips before moving out of the area lining up with the rest of the cadets.

Once the group had reformed, Erwin gestured for them to follow out towards the deployment area, taking an elevator to the floor below the ground level of the building, situating them in an dark garage – a selection of black vehicles, an array four-wheel drives and assorted motorbikes. Eren couldn’t help but sneak glances as the Motorbikes, eyeing a dirt bike occasionally, one that resembled the old battered one back home. There were fond memories, however few and far between. 

“Erwin, Marco, you’re driving, split up between the two vehicles. Mikasa, you’re riding – Eren have you got a license?” Despite the stern tone, the brunette found himself looking up with an expression of unadulterated curiosity, a raised brow framing a molten iris before his features settled.

“I-uh yeah, got my bike license at eighteen.” His words were soft, slightly flustered, however he maintained strong eye contact. He’d been using the old dirt bikes at his father’s property back when he was young, the beat up bike being a primary source of transport before his mother had passed away.

“Right, here-“ The shorter male tossed a set of keys at the boy, causing Eren to fumble as he awkwardly caught the object.

“- Take your pick, jackets and helmets are to your left, get your shit in gear.” Finishing the rest of his statement, the raven turned straight on his heel, briskly jogging over towards the lockers, as the rest of the group dispersed, with Eren and Mikasa following suit.

He had to pause, questioning his actions as the locker was empty, his somewhat abrupt arrival not allowing enough time for proper preparations.

“Take my spare, it’s too big.” Mikasa spoke in a warm, yet clipped tone, passing him a jacket that was just a little bigger than the one she had, fitting the boy in a snug, yet comfortable fit. Placing a black helmet over his head, he briskly ran towards the bike, kicking up the stand as he revved the engine slightly, waiting for the signal to go.

And with the flick of Levi’s hand, they were off.

 

\--

 

The journey took all of about 15 minutes, now setting sun providing cover as the group sped through the evening traffic, opting to take the back routes towards the industralialised area.

A soft gasp escaped his lips as he came to realise the damage to the buildings around him, various portside warehouses with evidence of burns, the cement often cracked nearby, corrugated iron peeling, almost torn from the walls. It was however the scent of decay that prickled the youth’s nose in an unpleasant way, It was off putting, causing his features to crinkle as it grew increasingly to smell like sulphur.

Parking off towards the left of the target, he removed the helmet so he could shake out his wild waves, before placing the item on the leather seat after he dismounted with grace. Jogging over to meet with the rest of the group, the joined once more, forming their cluster in front of the tall blonde.

“Get in groups of three, I want Eren with Armin and Mikasa – you’ll be running together under Levi, I want two of the groups with me.” Erwin spoke in a tone so friendly it almost made Eren cringe, as he moved towards his two companions, opting to clasp his hands behind his backs. The groups moved fluidly, as he found himself caught up within the wave, nerves jittering as a smile graced his features.

No one spoke after that, as the two groups split, steps silent as they followed a variety of hand signals, relying on the element of surprise to give the smaller group an upper hand. Eren kept a hand on his firearm, the other slightly out front of him as they navigated through the ever darkening area, crouching slightly to keep his movements silent.

Levi turned around the corner for just a split second, his now burgundy irises home to a displeased expression, the man whispering fuck under his breath, shaking his head ever so slightly, and yet he leapt forward at an alarming pace, slicing through the tender flesh of the first adversary, taking care of the first area.

“They’re fucking spread out throughout the dock, move in group, regroup at the meet point once you’re done, one of each person in the group has flares – don’t fuck it up.” As the other group moved to the west, Mikasa led the trio towards the east, sheltering behind one of the buildings to regroup.

“Armin take cover up on one of the enclosed rooves, we’ll move along the ground and clear the area, send up a flare if you need us. Eren, you know what to do?” Eren couldn't help but smile widely, nodding with enthusiasm as he fidgeted slightly, watching Armin affirm he understood Mikasa as he climbed the ladder off to their left with deft precision.

He couldn't smell any of the creatures within the one hundred metre radius of the pair, but the two moved forward, Eren deciding to run along the higher vantage points, using the rooftops as leverage. His movements resembled that of a predator, each precise and powerful as the teen _hunted,_ lip curling the slightest amount as he caught sight of the humanoid monster.

It was a grotesque sight, bloodied horns ripping through dying skin, piercing the bodies in seemingly in discriminant ways. They're eyes had sunk into bony skulls covered in thin leather, ivory teeth long and reminiscent of jagged shark teeth.

Their expression held no intelligence, and yet the destruction of the area around them indicated an unparalleled desire for destruction.

Clenching his fists, he took a deep breath in, curling his lips as he pushed the boundaries he had previously set – the boy desired to sink his hands in blood, to feel the cartilage and bone _crunch_ under his fingers,

 

_To destroy._

 

As he jumped down onto one of the creatures below, he whipped both of the blades from the sheaths on his lower back, driving them through the skull in a crossed over formation, his feet landing on the other’s shoulders as he drove its form straight into the ground, tearing flesh, bones, and sinews in an almost satisfying motion. He twisted the blades and ripped upwards, the head of the creature coming messily away from his disturbed body. 

Flinging the head off to the side, he flipped the blades in is hands to shake off the excess blood, oozing black tar staining tanned skin, the smile still evident on his features.

 

-

 

( He relished the feeling of the blood upon his skin, it soaked deep within his bones providing a sense of _power_. 

Grounded now was the monster. )

 

-

 

He ripped through another two with ease, taking a moment as the area was cleared. His adrenaline was pumping, as Mikasa had taken care of the final one off to his right, in a matter much cleaner than the boy. Arriving with hurried words of gratitude, he quickly pulled the spikes that had snapped off in his skin, digging his fingers into the wounds to remove the offending objects before they had fully closed over.

The had worked in tandem, grace met with an animalistic flair moving from block to block, with the carefully aimed fire from their blonde angel above

Streaks were evident through his once dark locks, white strands filtering through, causing a ‘salt and pepper’ effect, if only slightly – catching the moonlight within an unnatural shine. 

Red smoke filtered through the night sky, the cloud immediately catching the pair’s attention, panic rising throughout his gut. Yet the toxic scent was still in his nose, the sound of others arriving, and it was a larger group. Pulling out the firearms, he placed aim at the direction the group were coming through.

“Go! Fuck- I’ll be fine! Go get him.” He offered a reassuring smile, urging her forward as he moved slowly towards the oncoming offenders. Yet when the group came into view, it was clear that there was a leader, one baring a lack of thorns, a humanlike expression with a sly grin.

He couldn’t help but murmur an exasperated string of German curses, as the leader stood back as the group of five swarmed towards him.

 

 

-

 

( He wanted to _scream to the heavens_  

A bloodied plea to some form of salvation 

 

Pride held back his silent begging )

 

-

 

His combat was bloody, the boy losing his concern for his safety as he powered forward, shooting down the first two before he opted to use the blades for close combat, driving the knife through one of the skulls, losing grip of the handle as it slipped through his greased hands. It was the presumed leader however, had taken advantage of his slip, as he joined into the conflict – the other five having dropped.

The creature grabbed a hold of his limb, strength unrivalled to the previous opponents, his wrist and forearm now locked, the growing exhaustion causing his movements to growing messy as he tried to rip his arm out.

Yet _something at to give._

The shoulder gave first, popping out of the socket before the flesh started to tear, Eren’s wild thrashing movements only serving to worsening the situation. His eyes were wide when the limb finally came free from its bonds, the boy crying out when the blood streamed from the messy wound.

Whilst he was in close quarters with the parasite, who still clutched his arm, he ducked and wove to plant the knife into the other’s throat, pulling the now limp form off of him.

His breathing was heavy, as he drove himself to run, weaving through the streets to where the red smoke still lingered, the trail of red steaming as he forced his legs to move faster, stumbling slightly when he came to a stop at the building where Armin had started, as Mikasa worked hard to fend off the growing crowd, sporting her own small horns, just poking through at the top of her forehead, parting the dark locks. Burgundy irises matched Levi’s, who was lending a hand to the pair, who was sporting a pair of ram like horns, curling back behind his ears, the leader’s lower limbs resembling those of a goat, tatted feathery wing folded tight.

“They’re abnormal!” Levi growled, the form resembling the man he had seen before, yet it stuck fear deep within the walls of his heart, causing his lithe form to freeze for a moment. His racing heart refusing to calm.

They were swarming the abnormal movements had such human like expressions it brought disgust up into his throat, the sneers spreading across leathery skin as they reached out to tear apart those in from of them. The others had come to join now the second group moving in as the swarm started to disperse slightly, their group over run, _overwhelmed._

Eren was barely standing, before he stumbled into the group, eyes dazed as Mikasa ran over, bearing his weight as he slumped slightly. 

“What happened to you?! Eren what did you do-“ Her words were louder than usual as pushed the soaked bangs from his eyes, her words accusatory, yet the concern did nothing to calm him. 

“It’s fine! There was-“ His words were breathy, frantic, as the other Ackerman came to his aid, the inhuman traits fading back as the pair returned to their human form.

“What the fuck did you do! Shit- I shouldn’t have brought you out this early, you can’t take them on like this.” Levi was exponentially harsher than Mikasa, his obvious anger, and the slightest hint of guilt only served to piss the brunette off more.

“What do you mean? I did what I was told to do! It’ll heal Levi!” Growing more and more exasperated, he stood back on his own two feet once more, untying the shirt as it grew too tight, the arm slowly knitting itself together, draining the boy as he continued to lose blood. 

“No Eren that's not- that's not the fucking point. We can’t protect you if you can’t shift forms! You’re not fucking invincible.” Eren took a step back again, biting his tongue to stop himself from cursing out the French native, shaking his head as they turned off to stalk the rest of the coven, his eyes meeting Armin’s, who was sporting a sympathetic look.

The youth was fuming, shoulders taught as he scaled the ladder, taking for that a few rungs at a time, the movements unnatural and still just a bit shaky.

“You good Ar?” He still bit the words out, however he decided to clench his fist instead, taking a seat next to the blonde lying at his side, focused on gazing through the scope. The coconut-esqe haircut framing features that appeared far too innocent for his skills.

He received a nod in return, as Eren jumped slightly when the first shot was fired, tearing through the foreheads and chests of creatures with ease, clean and precise.

It was frustrating, being stuck and perceived as useless – unable to push forward, his stained skin itching to re-join the combat, despite his now slightly shaking form.

He was kneeling now, resting on his back feet, the limb having now grown down to the mid forearm, the hand and wrist coming quickly as he rocked back and forth, features contorted in an expression of discomfort, the sensation of growth wasn’t pleasant. It took a second for him to be able to move his arm, as he stretched both upwards, quickly cracking his shoulders and elbows, before clutching his firsts to pop the knuckles, shaking the limbs for just a split second. He sat back on his heels, holding his hands in his laps, looking straight ahead with a steely gaze.

“I d-don't think it's a good idea for you to go down there, you’re- you’re clearly exhausted.” It was as if the blonde knew his intentions, to jump from the roof to follow those whose blood stained his skin, that filled his nose. The scent was now a constant, his sense of smell now almost ineffective as the still damp tar clung to his clothing, the rotting scent strong yet repulsive.

“I can’t sit here and do nothing Armin! I can-‘t-“ Another flare went off, the all too familiar red smoke filtering against the clear sky once more, causing their attention to snap quickly to the direction, as Eren leapt down from the rooftop, staggering briefly when he landed, tucking to roll before he scrambled forward. He could hear Armin’s protests, yet he strode forward, pushing through the exhaustion fuelled haze.

There was a burn deep in his chest, unsettling yet warm, it was a sensation welcomed back like an old friend.

 

-

 

( The heat flowed freely throughout his veins, something coaxed by the _unbridled will to push forward,_

A boy, no older _than ten_ , clutching iron bars in desperation. )

 

-

 

He’d watch his father pace the basement lab, murmuring to himself as he tinkered with the vials strewn across his table, pulling their contents into a syringe.

He’d _beg_ , and _plead_ for his release, to taste the comforts of clean air and the sensation of carpet under his fingertips. 

The man would sporadically throw the youth into the confined space, though periods of being locked down within the room. It wouldn’t be long until his father would grab the neck line of his shirt, pulling his face harshly towards bars, a loud bang resonating as his features came in contact with iron.

Faded opal eyes would squeeze shut, the sight of the syringe often causing his stomach to churn as the tube was pushed through the tendons in the side of his neck, the substance often causing the muscle around him to burn. The pain would almost be unbearable – the white haired boy screaming bloody murder as he curled in on himself as he clutched his chest.

The fire would spread throughout his lithe form.

 

_He lost his wings that day._


	5. the trouble and resilience ` part two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so just a heads up, this chapter has a lot of religious themes, relating back to judaism. 
> 
> other warnings:
> 
> \- extensive violence, its real graphic  
> \- emotional trauma  
> \- on the violence, there is explicit death. 
> 
>  
> 
> anyway! this chapter is from Levi's perspective. This won't happen very often, but i hope you enjoy! 
> 
> feed me comments thanks, billy out.

It was at the elevator where the routine had been disrupted – the sight of a messy head of chocolate hair and sun-kissed skin, gaze downcast. He had been almost unable to drag his eyes off the new hire, taking just over a second before he decided to look forwards towards the doors. 

“After you.” It was the German accent that took him off by guard, the harsh sounds blending well with the well spoken English.

For once, a small smile graced normally harsh features, as he moved into the confined space, taking his stance near the back corner, one hand in his pocket, his posture relaxed slightly, yet still exuding power. He couldn’t help but ask for the name of the boy in front of him, curiosity tipping any reservations about talking to someone new.

It was the name Eren that only served to amplified that curiosity, yet he remained the epitome of composed, refusing to betray something that _soft_.  

When asked for his own, he couldn’t help but smirk slightly as Eren cocked his head, before offering his own title,

  

“Levi.”

 

 --

 

Never had the older Ackerman seen someone with a regenerative ability so strong, the boy having regenerated the majority of his organs, standing just eight hours after an autopsy. It was unusual for someone to be able regenerate at a level that brought someone back from the seeming clutches of death, a skill usually reserved to that of a descendant – creatures created by the originals, titans wandering the land long before they took human hosts.

It had been brought to his attention when he _felt the jaw break,_ when he _broke_ the bones within the others arm, and yet it did not faze the boy, who’s grin only grew wider, despite the imminent threat of severe injury, or death. He’d watched the exasperated sayings leave bloody lips as he pushed down harder on his airway, and yet there was no fear in his eyes.

A trait he could well and truly get behind.

Levi had expected for him to tap out, to beg, to show some form of concern for his wellbeing and yet he stayed defiant till his end, the brilliant gold and emerald eyes closing as the youth’s arms fell limp from clutching his hand, only a few moments after the windpipe was crushed under his hold.

It wasn’t a quick bout, the match had almost been even, the older man having to pull from the rumbling cold within, grey turning to a burgundy resembling the crimson of blood, strength beyond that of a human, he could feel the pain pool at his forehead. He knew Eren had no control over his abilities in that moment, the way he didn’t push it further, the boy remaining in a perpetually demi-human state.

It was known to be taxing on the body, a state someone couldn’t remain in, it was dangerous, yet there he remained.

He was more than intrigued.

  

\--

 

It was safe to say he had almost been concerned by the sight the heavy scars loitering on the others torso, a few too many of them reminiscent of abuse. The splatter of circular marks across the collarbone and lower neck, the puncture wounds near the abdomen, a deep and jagged line stretching from hip to hip, which he had a suspicion was a disembowelment. Then there was their contribution, the thin “y” shaped mark framing the marked, yet no more flawed skin. They were familiar to the raven. 

The outfit he’d chosen had taken all of half an hour, finding the items at his local tailor, getting them fitted to the size of the clothes they had taken before, as well as the measurements from the autopsy. It would be a lie to say he chosen things he had wanted the boy to wear, that he liked, but he had kept within practicality, opting for the all black look.

Yet it was nothing to when he had dragged the brunette to the hair salon, he had ben unprepared for the way the shorter bangs framed elfish features, the middle part allowing Eren’s eyes to be seen with ease, their expressive nature betraying just how uncomfortable he looked, it was strikingly clear to Levi just how the golden boy didn’t like the feeling of the hairdresser making contact.

It was a behavioural trait he hadn’t quite noticed, yet every time the scissors came close to the others eyes, face or ears he seemed to flinch, if only minutely. However when the stylist was finished, his slight concern settled when an all too familiar smile stretched from ear to ear, the cut accentuating each and every feature – high cheekbones, slender nose, the _soft jaw and curved lips,_

 

Calm _down_.

 

He’d been asked by the object of his curiosity to help with the tie, the pleading expression filtered through long lashes, a peach tinted hue on those cheeks – he would’ve struggled to say no. He laid lithe touches around the others neck, flipping the collar up before wrapping the fabric around, tying the knot before pulling down, hard. He’d forced the brunette down to his level, if only by about seven cm, before he tightened the knot.

When that all too familiar peach hue returned on to those cheeks, he knew that those lingering touches had had the desired effect.

Levi couldn’t help that small smirk from returning, yet he could feel the growing grin on Hanji’s face, he had to make a mental note to avoid her at all costs today.

Gripping Eren’s forearm, he found his grip coming off as a bit stronger than intended as he dragged the youth back to the car, muttering a quick quip about orientation.

  

\--

  

He had since relinquished the grip on Eren’s arm when they’d pulled up into the office. There was confusing present on the other’s face, the gold shimmer climbing across the other iris, the colour was still concerning, as he pulled Hanji over to the side as Erwin led the group.

“Hanji, Have you got anything on extended partial shifts, he’s been in a demi human state for days at least.” He spoke softly, just out of ear range.

“oh, uh- oh! If the state is extended, it can result from being unable to fully transform for a long period of time, but there have been cases of trauma causing the inability to shift, this can’t happen with sires.” Hanji spoke with an equally soft tone, though hers was laced with an unbridled excitement.

Nodding, he proceeded to push the group towards the elevator, deciding to avoid the inevitable onslaught of questions. He’d entered the elevator last, opting to stand opposite of Eren and Erwin, gaze lazily filtered down, eyeing the way Eren clenched his fist as they stood in the elevator, his body tense, the gaze cold and stationed forward, the space between his head and Hanji’s. The fear was something he and the brunette shared, however years of travelling in the metal boxes had rendered it almost obsolete. 

He’d taken his leave from the rest of the group, as Erwin took Eren over to introduce himself, and run through the basics, something the boy evidently didn’t know about. Levi much preferred to take the trainees through their practical training, his strict and unforgiving nature had brought a reputation among the students, as well as the other training squads. 

Levi couldn't help but roll his eyes a little harder than usual when Eren emerged from the change rooms still wearing that god forsaken patch, the group behind him remaining silent, broth from fear and respect.

“You can take the patch off kid.” He spoke with a frosty tone, before he paired him with Mikasa, getting the students to pair off in a circle.

He decided to lay back, roaming the circle to critique technique, occasionally stepping in to fix up sloppy forms. He’d kept an eye on Eren and Mikasa however, expression remaining nonchalant, eyes widening slightly as those eyes roamed gold, the boy making use of an opening to put one of his best cadets on her back, the match otherwise fairly even.

He had wandered over to where Annie and Sasha had decided to duke it out, the blonde moving precisely, striking fast and with the power reminiscent to a viper, whilst the other dished out strong blows, lacking the precision but easily stronger than the blonde. He quickly broke the two up to demonstrate just how to deliver the proper uppercut for Sasha, delivering harsh criticism, yet remaining fair.

“ _Captain!_ ” Armin had run over, his tone full of fear as he directed Levi towards the source of the conflict, the rest of the pairs having paused to see the spectacle. 

“T-they were, Jean apparently said something, because- because Eren won’t stop.” Armin led Levi across the hall until he caught sight of the conflict, Eren straddling Jean’s chest, raining bloody fire down on the boy, repeatedly beating the others face, his fingers and hands drenched in Jean’s blood. The brunette wasn’t there anymore, eyes blank and molten, the line between the iris and white of the eye melting away, there wasn’t any sign of the grinning kid he had seen only a few moments before.

He strode over with urgency, pulling back on Eren’s arm before he got another chance to strike, pulling the boy off with ease, holding the offending limb up, before grasping the brown locks, holding him firm at his feet, pulling the boy into an sprawled sitting position, his hold unwavering as Eren tried to struggle.

“Eren fucking Jaeger- Reign it in or I’ll beat you until you do.” He spoke coldly, until he saw the defiant look return, the boy returning with a quick grunt, as Jean came back, yelling and holding his nose, as the two went back to bickering, Levi not releasing his hold until he felt as if it was safe to do so, almost allowing himself to smile as the brunette brought laughter back into the space, quipping about Jean’s horse like appearance. 

The rest of the exercises ran smoothly, as they moved throughout the chamber and the combat drills, with the group splitting up and moving throughout the area. The way they moved, both as teams and individuals, clearly demonstrated that they were at least reliable as comrades, the cadets having neared graduation.

“Levi, we’ve got a call, the squad over has a coven, and are out on another assignment. Do you think they’re ready?” He took a second to decide, leaning his weight on the doorframe, humming for a brief second.

“how many, are they mindless?” He kept his question short and crisp, turning his head to the side slightly, taking an offhanded glace at the group once more.

“They said there should be eleven, one or two may be abnormal.” Erwin spoke calmly, taking a chance to observe the cadets also.

 

“Bring them up Eyebrows.”

  

\--

 

The moved swiftly, with the motorcyclists mowing at the wings of the convoy as they made their way to the docks, he’d seen the boy pull at least one wheelie, obviously trying to get Mikasa and Armin to smile, somehow succeeding despite the situation they were about to put themselves into.

He was tasked with leading his half of the group towards the main square, moving silently as the sulphur like smell grew stronger, he was still however questioning his decision to push Eren into a conflict scenario, but after watching and first hand experiencing the way he fought, he had at least some mild form off confidence.

When they split off, he moved towards the small cluster, pushing those horns through now bloodied skin, taking the group of five out with ease, maintaining the utmost of control.

Composure was key, and his was _flawless_.

 

It took all of his effort to wrangle Azazel, but he held him down, he fought and bent the being to his will. A skill he had maintained and built, a process that had brought him to the top of his food chain, he’d clawed his way there.

He’d seen the first flare, and moved quickly towards the scene, finding Armin stranded on one of the rooftops, bitterly defending himself, firing into the group scaling the ladder. He ran to rip them down, pulling the creatures away from the blonde.

“They’re _abnormal_!” He growled, watching their all too human like expressions twitch and grin as they fuelled bloodshed.  

He could hear Mikasa yelling, something he hadn’t hear his cousin do in forever, as he whipped his head around to see her cradling a bloodied Eren. He dropped the body his was holding, leaping down from the ladder, pulling those horns back into his skin as he strode over as quickly as his legs would allow him.

“What the fuck did you do! Shit- I shouldn’t have brought you out this early, you can’t take them on like this.” First and foremost, he was concerned, quickly assessing the now healing wound, the now predominantly white hair filtering through, yet there was nothing remotely indication he could move past this state.

“Hanji was right,” He murmured under his breath, before turning back to the boy.

“What do you mean? I did what I was told to do! It’ll heal Levi!” It was that blatant disregard for his life, his safety, that immediately set his nerves on edge, anger rising deep throughout his gut, as the boy took a step back, seemingly now able to support his own weight.

“No Eren that's not- that's not the fucking point. We can’t protect you if you can’t shift forms! You’re not fucking invincible.” He ground out those words, sending him to sit with Armin on the rooftop, where he could at least keep an eye on him.

The coven had grown, with now apparent neighbouring groups coming in from the scent of bloodshed. Yet they still hadn’t found the source, the leader, the one who had built the group.

The red smoke was back, way over to the western side of the docks, as he quickly dispatched the remainders around in their sector, he turned to check up on the pair, finding that the said pair had again reduced to one.

“That _fucking suicidal bastard_.” He didn’t need the trouble of dealing with someone unable to shift, it was a danger to the rest of the group If he needed protecting.

When he found the distressed group, everything was drenched in red, Jean cradling Marco’s bloodied form, an arm hanging on with just sinews, a crushed leg and blank gaze – not _yet_ dead, but growing ever closer. 

“Fuck- Erwin call in the MP, we’re going to need back up.” Erwin complied, as the sulphur scent was so potent, the ever present signs of the coven leader, usually an abnormal rising above the rest of the group, a class that required more than just their small group to take. He’d been lucky with being able to take down a few, yet to lose his humanity to that extent would bring toll on his form, he was undoubtedly unable to take it on alone at this point.

“Levi-“ He cut Erwin off before he could finish his sentence. 

“Where is it now.” He spoke harshly, looking up at the blonde.

“It’s moving south-“ There was little to no concern in Erwins voice, but his displayed urgency, the lack of fear providing something for the team to rely on.

“And where’s the brat.” He couldn’t help the frustration from seeping into his voice, as Erwin turned sightly. 

“He’s pursuing it, I- I couldn’t stop him.” Levi saw red, grabbing the collar of his superior, pulling him down to his eye level.

“You did _what_. Don’t tell me you let _my cadet_ , pursue a great abnormal _alone_!” He let go, circling slightly as he proceeded to pinch the bridge of his nose. 

“He can’t control his shifts Erwin! You absolute _fucking moron_.” It was at that point the group of military police arrive, falling in behind Erwin as he turned to greet him.

“We’ve got a great abnormal, I need a few of you to get the injured back to treatment, then the remainder are to follow me.” The group moved forward quickly, passing the ever growing amount of debris.

“Eren where the fuck are you.” Levi spoke harshly, as they came into the port, the open concrete space torn apart near the water’s edge.

The pair were circling each other, Eren’s hair now back to the familiar shade of chocolate brown, both eyes emerald and dull, as he turned to meet Levi’s eyes with a look of all too familiar determination. His face was bloodied, body bruised and torn, yet he stood, having landed one of two blows on the creature before them.

It was all too human, no evidence of horns, pointed teeth or other traits, bar from the all too black absence of eyes. 

“Ere-“ He abruptly stopped as the boy went back in to lay another hit, moving faster than before, despite the now messy movements, he was taking back ground, yet it only took a direct blow to the gut from creature to disembowel the youth, causing a collective gasp, as he pushed himself off the floor and stuffed the abdominal organs back into their cavity, the skin knitting together considerably faster than usual, however he was still sitting when Levi pulled him up of the ground, grasping the free arm.

“You can’t win this.” He smoke firmly, as the boy struggled, the wound having now almost healed, the blood seeping from the cut wasn’t red, the boy bleed liquid sunlight, the red and gold meeting but not mixing.

Levi’s eyes went wide, before he turned to Hanji, as the MP went in to try and wrangle the beast. Hanji was enamoured, as she rushed over to quickly inspect scene, murmuring incessantly.

“It can’t be, it _can’t be.”_ Her words were soft, as Eren continued to struggle under his grip. 

“What do you m-“ One of the MP’s flew for only a split second, hitting the warehouse wall with a sickening bang, the breaking of the spine and ribs clearly audible, the man falling to the floor with a groan, it didn’t take long for his eyes to close. 

“Let me go _let me go!_ ” Eren was yelling, as he finally broke free, digging his hands into his hair and pulling down, _hard_.

“Brat you need to cal-“ He was immediately cut off, taking a step forward towards the boy. 

“He died because I couldn’t- failure I’m a failu-“ Taking another step forward, he couldn’t help but shake the now growing concern for the people around him. It was a scene that was all too familiar, as the brunette crouched, still grasping at his hair. He was _breaking, tearing at the seams,_ it was a struggle he had witnessed, experienced, and lived, there was something he was _fighting_. 

“You can’t win you _monster,_ you _vile_ child, no!” It was incoherent, as Hanji took a step back, dragging Levi back with her.

“We have to move, we _need to move”_ She was frantic, even more than usual as she got the rest of the group back, the creature taunting with grins as he called over the remaining members of his coven, growing ever closer to Eren. 

“I can’t fucking leave him!” He yelled over the growing noise, the screeching of the warehouse walls being torn, the clouds forming above the dock, the remaining squadron members retreating. 

“Levi! _Listen_ to me.” Hanji was holding his shoulders, her eyes wild and fearful,

“You know what bleeds gold Levi? Do you know _who_ bleeds gold-“ The debris around the boy was alight, the fires glowing white as Eren rose, he wasn’t behind those eyes anymore, not when he looked down upon then, 

“Hanji, _Hanji_!” Levi was gripping her harder now, as the air around them was drawn to the flames, just barely visible. 

“He was in a partial state Levi! He’s been holding this back and the floodgates are open, it's an _original_ Levi! It's a chayot, a _chayot ha kodesh_ and hes about to-“

There was a sickening wail as those now golden irises melted down tan cheeks, tears of blood now framing opal eyes, devoid of irises as his head turned at an unnatural angle, locking his sight on the abnormal, outstretching his hand before giving a flick of his wrist, the creature set ablaze in a flash of white. 

It was at that moment when Eren fell to his knees, clutching his head in his arms as he once again let out a devastating wail, as Levi fought the urge to run forward, his eyes focused on the now growing tears on the back. Blood stained feathers burst through the skin as that chocolate hair grew white, falling down past his shoulders as it reflected the eerie moonlight. 

Levi couldn’t drag his eyes away, watching the now five pairs of wings slowly spread, evidently causing the boy pain, as his expression contorted. The largest pair, emerging from his shoulders, was paired with the second and third largest pairs bursting from his hips, slowly stretching outwards and up, before the fourth and fifth pairs, smaller in size, wrapping around his hips as the rest proceeded to fold and shield the boy, a spray of feathers bursting fron his ankles and calves, shoulders, neck and ears.

It was a horrifying sight, and yet, somehow beautiful, a faint glow surrounding the others head. Eren had pushed himself back onto his hands and knees, yet the boy was struggling, standing shakily, threatening to fall.

Rushing forward, Levi wrapped his arms underneath Eren’s, allowing him to fall onto his chest, knocking the pair down as he cradled the boy in his lap, tenderly stroking the white strands. There was humanity back in those eyes, tears welling as he allowed the boy to sob, burying his face into the crook of Levi’s neck, the tanned arms wrapping his own waist.

He hadn’t consoled someone in such manner, not since-

“You’ll be fine brat.” He murmured into the other’s hair, continuing to run his pale fingers through it, trying to sooth the shaking form.

 

 

 

 

 

( [here](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/6a/f9/bd/6af9bd11283a87e0fb129fc0cdfe879b--choir-design-reference.jpg), [here](http://aboutangels.weebly.com/uploads/7/9/3/2/7932382/266070.jpg?406) and [here](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/04/79/38/04793877d19936114079fd291d9484be.jpg) are the inspiration for Eren's appearance, I wanted to use a variety of old and new depictions/interpretations, hope I did y'all justice. )

 

 

 


	6. bounadries.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> holla
> 
> right so, we're back with Eren, and kinda over the initial story arc, but i forgot to clarify a few things oops:
> 
> \- shifting is always, always painful, they just get better at handling it
> 
> \- one of my friends alerted me that perhaps a few people may find Levi to be a bit OOC, and to address that, he's human, he has emotion, everyone does, I want him to be more of a three dimensional character within this fic, I wanna do him justice and at least make him mildly relatable. 
> 
> \- i left a cute thing ur welcome.
> 
>  
> 
> anyway have fun comments are appreciated i live for feed back, ya boi billy is out.

There wasn’t any rhyme of reason to why he had decided to follow that _thing_ , to run until his lungs burned, to push until his legs were screaming bloody murder. He wanted to _feel it,_ to feel the way it tugged at the edges of his sanity.

It grounded his thoughts, the youth focusing on each pained breath, growing shakier as he came to a stop at the port, bending over to rest his hands on his thighs, his chest heaving as he tried to keep the contents of his stomach down.

He was afraid that it was all some cruel joke, that he’d wake up one morning with dried blood under his nose as he peeled himself off the floor, hunched over in the corner, shrinking in on his form remaining as small as possible. 

That the last few months had been just another hopeful delusion, that he’d reap what he sowed and return to the place where he belonged. 

Eren was watching the beast now, eyeing its movements as the pair began to circle, each-other’s movements resembling that of a predator, bloodied and determined, and yet the creature held viciousness he couldn’t, wouldn't copy. 

Pulling his remaining knife from its hold, he ran at the abnormal, managing to sheath it once more in its flesh, and yet it did nothing to slow the creature down – an arm coming out to toss the boy back at the wall. It was a familiar feeling, the air being pushed from fragile lungs, the retching, guttural sound of him hacking up blood. 

It _hurt_ , every inch of his skin is aflame, throbbing in protest each unwanted movement. Too sensitive and yet not feeling enough, he wanted that pain, the sting of the cuts he sustained, it all too disheartening when they closed moments later.

Perhaps that was why he threw himself at it again, and again and _again,_ to silences the voice of his father in the back of his head, whispering “filthy child, you horrid boy, this is all you’re good for, inciting violence, go on - repent, _bleed.”_ It filters into his thoughts until it’s all he can hear, the whispering growing into talking, rising until its screams its prayers into the very depths of his soul.

 

-

 

( The voices were persistent, muffled, intrusive thoughts growing clearer with every _excruciating failture._ )

 

-

 

His lips were curling, a sickening smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, as he clawed back ground, prowling, before he took his final aim, a well landed blow tearing open the large scar on his gut, the remainders of an evisceration that he’d rather push from his memories. 

Levi was behind him now, he could feel it, the scent of rosewater and wildfires a little too unique for him to forget. Yet, he allowed a snarl to pass through those curled lips, the expression falling into one of anger and frustration. 

“You can’t win this.” The voice above him spoke firmly and yet the sounds were unable to drown out the noise. They weren’t registering, not as he spiralled inwards, clawing at the sensations on his skin, the forceful grasp on his arm, the dampness of the blood on his skin. 

The creature was still standing, looking over with a condescending gaze, lighting his nerves as the brunette lusted to watch it bleed rich tar, to pierce its seemingly impenetrable skin. He wanted needed to be stronger, to prove that he was better, that he could do something good. Longing to show that he could go beyond, be valuable and _worth something._

"Ere-“ The voice was back, as he pushed forward once more, meeting resistance in the form of a seemingly fatal blow. He'd watch the skin rip, tear and fall as the life giving tangle of innards spilled over, clutching them with misplaced care as he fell back, scrambling to push them back, trying to hold himself together. 

Levi had dragged his arm up once the skin had held the wound close, grasping the forearm with a strength he couldn't overcome. 

“Let me go!” He was struggling against a grip he couldn’t escape, locking on the thing in front of him, its face a portrait of his bleeding mother, a sight all too familiar. It made him feel sick in the worst of ways, the turn features barely hanging onto bone, the eyes gazing directly into the boys fears.

He could only watch as _they_ approached her, running with blades to at least try and subdue the chimera, as one of them flew back, he could see the life leave his form, as he watched the subtle around the body fade,

All because he _couldn't_ do anything.

“Let me go  _let me go!_ ” He was yelling now, retching his arm free from his antagonist, looking up to an all too familiar brown ponytailed man, wire framed glasses on his nose, an icy glare devoid of empathy, _emotion_.

“He died because I couldn’t- failure I’m a failu-“ He was pleading, begging to be seen as something other than what he was, as he wrapped his hands in his hair, he was pulling, tugging, trying to distract from the noise within his head.

“You can’t win you  _monster,_ you  _vile_  child, no!” that’s what his father would weasel into his thoughts, the continues berating, he couldn't help but repeat it, as he waited for inevitable scolding, to reap his failures. This wouldn’t have happened if he was stronger, if he was faster, if he wasn’t so pathetically weak.

There was that heat deep within, and for once? Eren let go, allowing his muscles to move without his instruction, he was screaming, a wail so blood curling if brought immediate discomfort to those around him, allowing his instincts to take the reigns as that fire overcame him, it burned his muscles, pooling at his back as he began to lift his arm, twisting to set the creatures alight.

It was breaking, the warmth turning to a burning sensation, he was screaming again, yet it was muffled. It was an unfamiliar sensation, yet he had distinct memories of cigarettes being pushed into his skin, a feeling something akin to the molten blood running through his veins. 

He fell to his knees, resting on his elbows as he clutched his head, the pain was too much, too intense, he was tearing – there was screaming again.

He felt as if he’d been reborn, pushed through immense pain only to come out as a different person, the now white hair falling in front of his eyes, obscuring his vision of the gold stained floor.

Eren decided in that moment that he needed to stand, to lift he excess weight and stand tall – to at least prove that he had survived throughout his ordeal, to lift the now limp limbs from the ground and shake from him the blood that stained his skin. Looking up to the clouded sky, he felt his weight shift, tired muscles unable to hold the new form upright.

Falling was a motion he had now grown used to, to land hard on cement floors and nurse bruised knees, he allowed his eyelids to close when he hurtled towards the ground, if only for a split moment, before he outstretched his arms in order to break his fall-

Warmth was not a sensation he was expecting to feel as he fell into a person, arms wrapping around his waist as they hit the ground. He had his hands entangled in the other’s shirt, before he burrowed his face into the crook of his neck, recognising the scent of rosewater once more.

When he was only but a child, he’d be dispositioned, prone to these overwhelming bouts of emotion as tears fell and words yelled, it would be the task of his mother to run her hands through his hair and hum softly against his crown, to murmur words of encouragement.

 _It will be ok dear,_ She’d whisper, rubbing circles into his back, he had grown to miss these moments, where he felt _whole_.

“I’ll be ok brat.” Was what he received, deft fingers shifting through the chocolate strands, he allowed himself to sink further into a place he considered safe. 

“I’m sorry- fuck, sorry.” He murmured softly, hiccupping as his frame shook, drawing himself closer as the fire died down. It began with his hair, shifting back to brown as it lost its excess length, his eyes following suit as the now soft, moss green irises returned and the wings fell away in a flurry of feathers and soft wind, leaving heavy scars and scattered remnants. 

There was a brief, ever so fleeting moment of still, before he heard the cautious steps approaching, as Erwin and Hanji came to help the pair up, Eren assuring the he could stand on his own, brushing down his pants briefly, pulling on a jumper that Levi was no longer wearing, hiding his now bitterly torn back. 

“Eren, Hanji get you checked up back in the med wing. Levi, I need you with me, the MP has reported back to Dok, who has in turn alerted Zackly, he wants a debrief – and how we plan to move forward.“ Erwin spoke in a surprisingly calm tone considering the situation, the honey syrup like tone was enough to smother worries, as he slowly allowed himself to be led towards one of the vehicles, sliding into the backseat, bringing his knees up to his chest as he crowded himself into the left hand corner. 

Levi was in the front left, whilst Hanji took a seat next to him, leaving the middle seat free. Erwin had taken to driving, gently coaxing the vehicle towards the corp, the radio playing at a low enough volume to break the silence, yet remain unobtrusive. 

“Eren?” Erwin raised his voice slightly, still staring straight ahead, the car briefly stopping briefly. 

“Uh- yeah?” His voice was muffled, as he remained with his head on his knees.

“Look, Zackly is going to want to prove that you are not a danger, we’ll need to see him later on tonight.” Erwin was tenser now, yet he maintained that calm. 

Eren hummed, giving a non-committal noise, unfurling from his position, resting his head on his hand as he stared intently out the window. His lanky form is taking up too much space, he wants to leave, to hide, to remain anonymous.

The trip was rather uneventful, the boy dozing off against the window as the rest discussed the politics behind the meeting that would occur tomorrow, the words floating round in the tense atmosphere,

He couldn’t hear them.

 

 

Eren could distantly, feel a figure moving next to him, his figure tangled lazily in cotton sheets, his head was resting on someone’s chest, the connection almost disjointed.

“-Come back,” A muffled voice murmured, deep and rumbling. It was affectionate, if he had ever been spoken to in such a way, with such care, the boy didn’t remember it – he craved the sensation.

He turned over, allowing his features to lay rest on the others collarbone,

Ebony hair tickled his nose.

 

 

It didn’t take a lot to wake him up, Hanji’s excited chattering rousing him into the present day, the boy stumbling out from the vehicle, leaning against the car for support, resting his forehead on the cool of the metal, still feeling as if his skin was burning. It felt like a fever, tingling and warm, his head woozy, vision slightly blurred as he stood slowly once more, walking forward as he pulled the sleeves over his hands, tugging hems to keep his hands occupied, to reduce his tendency to fidget.

“Let’s get you checked out, then we’ll go from there.” Erwin broke the silence again, directing him carefully to Hanji, hesitant to make physical contact, opting to use visual cues-

He feels isolated. 

The room was white, uncomfortably so, a desk off to the left surrounded by various instruments, papers scattered. The examination table was centred, a step ladder just below it, with the table being immaculately clean, he was _uncomfortable_. It was a familiar space, one he had known too well, yet there were no golden stains on the silver, no feathers pinned to the board, no chains or clasps, it was a neutral space, yet it was associated with the gut wrenching fear.

Hanji had asked him gently to sit on the table, his movements were measured, yet his fingers were tapping on every surface they came into contact with, before they gripped onto the edge, the metal was malleable under his grasp, conforming to his palm. It was conducting heat, as Eren’s stress rose so did the temperature of his skin, it pooling in his hands, the fire dancing over his fingertips.

Each moment chipped at his psych, as he forced his breathing to remain as steady as possible. Hanji moved to his left, placing a clipboard next to him, holding a small strap and a phlebotomy needle, 21 gauge.

“We’ll just get a blood test, and then get back to the others! Just relax for me.” Boy Eren was trying, the almost overly chipper voice causing him to bristle. He couldn’t say it, _get it away from me, please-_ Hanji tightens the tourniquet, pushing the needle through the soft skin in the crook of his elbow.

He had started to shake slightly, gripping the bench harder as the plastic vial filled over what felt like minutes, before the metal began to shift in his flesh, a hurried gasp sounding as Hanji removed it quickly, eyeing the now warped needle.

They’d need a new table, he’d put his hand through it after trying not to grasp it so hard, instead placing the palms of his hands on the smooth surface.  

“Fuck- I’m sorry.” Eren murmured, stuttering ever so slightly, pulling his arms from the surface and watching the now molten metal fall between his fingertips. It was mesmerising, the glowing substance flowing like thick molasses.

“You’re unaffected by this right?” Hanji was sporting another of her manic grins, as he matched it with a nervous grin of his own, the gesture providing a welcomed distraction.

“Uh no, it doesn't hurt, kinda like hot honey.” Words were soft, yet not meek, they remained reserved and brooding, the lopsided smile returning, if only for a split second.

“Interesting, well, let’s find our blondie and short-stack!” Eren looks up, meeting Hanji’s eyes for the first time since he had entered that room, folding his hands in his lap for just a few seconds, just before the pair moved into the hall.

 

 

 


	7. quiet sounds and gentle touches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're like a solid twenty thousand words into your shitty ass fic and like, finally, some alone time. 
> 
> This is ridiculously slow burn, but relationships take time to build, especially with Mr Emotionally Unavailable and Hurt Sunshine boy, but I promise like, I'm getting there
> 
> sorry the update came a bit late! I had a gnarly injury a few weeks back and needed some time to recover
> 
> anyway enjoy my boys, feed back is appreciated, 
> 
> Billy xx.

They moved quickly, the sense of urgency was rising, as the pair made their way up to the very top floor of the building, the extended elevator ride uncomfortable to say the least. It was a comfortable silence, as he rocked back and forth on his heels, opting to fidget to keep his muscles from tensing.

“Hey Hanji?” He broke the silence with an alarmingly casual tone, keeping a loose grin as he felt just a little at ease, despite his new companions manic nature.

“Am I going to be ok?” There wasn’t a lot of concern in his words, yet the slightly waver of his words just barely gave away the fear he couldn’t hide, he couldn’t say, but yet a part of him couldn’t help but question whether he should live, whether he would be permitted to exist. 

Hanji had paused, as Eren’s gaze followed the soft curves of her features, turning his head slightly as he offered to push open the large glass doors, faltering slightly when he saw what seemed to be a fairly heated argument.

“We’ll make sure you will be hun,” Her voice lacked the overly excited tone, its sobering nature however provided comfort. He pushed the door open, allowing Hanji to enter as he followed suit, shoving his hands into his pocket as the door slowly eased itself shut. 

The office was large, with the back and right walls floor to ceiling windows, the heavy blanket of stars covering the space. There was a desk pushed near the back, the dark wood situated in front of a plush maroon chair, the man presumably known as Zackly now standing. 

“Is this the boy?” The voice was booming, it held no resemblance to the pleasantries he was for some reason expecting. It held weight, compressing his chest with a force great enough to dampen his breathing. It wasn't hard to sense that perhaps he was there to be seen and not heard, a concept he had grown to dislike. It was the way he was somehow looked down upon, yet his eye level was higher, the condescension did nothing but irk him.

“Yes, sir.” It was Levi who spoke this time, holding just as much weight. It was easy to see how he was holding himself back, biting his tongue, much like the brunette was.

“My name is Eren.” He couldn't help interjecting, thrusting his not so tame nature back into the spotlight. That didn’t however stop Levi’s hand from smacking the back of his head with enough force to cause him to audibly grunt.

“Shut it.” The words were crisp, and he snapped his mouth shut, turning his gaze away in frustration, mumbling almost incoherent German under his breath, just soft enough for him, and perhaps his assailant to hear.

“Yes, Eren. We’ve got a situation in regards to you- and your nature. Dok and the majority of the Military police is recommending, or demanding that we end you and seal away the original.” There was no change in his tone, no peak in interest, no remorse or sympathy. It was a sound that was purely analytical, the lack of compassion allowed Eren to briefly detach from the situation

The room all but exploded, with Hanji first interjecting, her voice remaining strong yet respectful, pushing her weight first.

“Sir you’ve got- you’ve got to be insane! Do you know how much of an asset he could be?!” She all but screamed.

“I’ve got to agree with Hanji Zackly, He’s a great asset to our team – Levi has his limits, we can’t always rely on him, having someone who could rival the them with the right training could make our plight far more successful.” Erwin stepped in with a tone the epitome of calm, remaining respectful as he almost commanded the room. It was a fair point, and Eren could watch the metaphorical cogs turn within Zackly’s mind, slow and methodical, a predator looking over with a fear reminiscent of a lion looking at a stronger challenger.

“Look, how do we know he’s not going to be a danger – we have reports of him losing control at the docks, how are you going to manage that,” There was a sneer, a sly look so full of grease that the youth’s stomach churned.

“He’s just a teenager! They have emotions-“ Hanji had been cut off abruptly, her raised voice contrasted with a clipped tone

“I’ll take him, twenty four hours under my supervision. If he steps out of line I’ll kill him myself.” The words were stark, cold and crisp. It was completely different to the concern he had during _that moment_ , the genuine sympathy and care, a great encompassing cold that slowly calmed an enraged inferno, dampening the passion until he lay calm.

The room was silent, the atmosphere tense as Zackly stewed, the boy shifting from foot to foot, averting his gaze to each feature within the office, settling on the stars past the window.

“I want to fight each and every one of them, _sir,_ I’ll tear them apart for what they did. I _want_ to fight for this cause!” Eren’s voice was unwavering, a brave declaration to cut the silence, he remained defiant, he would battle for a life he had fought tooth and nail for, a life that he had built from the charred remains of his family.

“If I can’t control it then Levi can take my life, but give me a chance to do good! I’ll do anything, how do I prove that,” He softened towards the end, however he stayed strong, he wanted, no, _needed_ to prove that he was capable.

“Beat him down, prove you have control over him, I want to see that he’s able to be restrained.” It was a sick tone, a growing, yet only just noticeable sneer, the calculating actions causing the youth’s face to harden more, expression unwavering.

Eren glanced over towards Levi, giving the faintest nod of approval, giving the raven permission to stand in front of him, calloused hands grasping gently at limber shoulders, the faintest spread of blud crossing his tan skin as the others hair brushed his ear, the older man murmuring the faintest of apologies. 

 

Then the knee struck his ribs.

 

It was a deafening hit, the crack of bone removing the air from his lungs. He couldn't breathe, opting to hack up blood clots as he rest on his hands and knees, coughing violently as Levi proceeded to kick the side of his head, causing his head to ring, his vision blurring as he fell to his side, clutching his head in his arms, groaning softly. 

He’d taken much worse, yet his idol’s strikes held more power than his father had hoped to achieve, it was agonising, and yet he kept still, taking the few remaining kicks to his ribs and abdomen, before a black boot came to rest on the splintered ribs, rolling him onto his back, resting on the healing bones.

The brunette’s head was swimming, his breathing slow and deliberate, trying to replace the disfigured form.

“S-Sir, they’re not going, going to heal if you press down.” He spoke softly, as gold filtered through his irises, the remainder of his energy going to remaining in his human form.

The foot was removed, as Erwin continued to discuss the situation with Zackly, as Levi and Eren were dismissed, with such a non-committal noise that caused Eren’s blood to boil, yet he was scooped up, an arm around his back, as he put his over Levi’s shoulder. The moved from the room silently, walking slowly as he gained traction, able to stand and walk with relative ease only a minute or so later.

“You understand why we had to do that right?” It wasn’t him who broke the silence, but he nodded, the exhaustion settling deep within his soul. Yawning quietly, he nodded, mumbling a garbled yes as he struggled to regain his bearings, leaning his weight on the man beside him.

The rosewater scent was by far his favourite.

“We’re heading to my place, you’ll need to stay there for the foreseeable future, we can grab what you need tomorrow from your place ok?” Levi’s spoke softly, gentler than his usual commanding speech. It was a nice alternative, softening some of the tension that the pair were trying to overcome.

“Yeah, sounds good,” He was mumbling still, sinking down into the arm that was now wrapped around his waist, holding his weight with surprising ease. It was a simple touch and yet the reassurance it brought caused the boy to treasure every second. 

They made their way to the car, sleek and subtle, its dark colour blending almost perfectly with the darkened night sky, the brunette fumbling with the passenger side door before sliding in, he burgundy lined interior a foreign sight to tired eyes. Mossy irises peered over the dashboard, as he rested his head against the cool of the window, groaning quietly as his headache grew.

“Thanks Levi- you didn’t, didn't need to do this.” Whilst his voice didn't waver, it was quieter than the usual empowered tone. He didn’t want to display his sign of weakness – a trait he never wanted to betray, yet there was no stopping the small flow of tears that fell across high cheekbones, the slight shake of his bottom lip and he remained rigidly still. It was an messy sight, dishevelled hair and bloodied skin, remnants of the creatures under his nails.

“Look at me,” The other man spoke firmly.

It took bravery from the boy to meet his eyes, as Levi leant over the console, a calloused hand grasping tenderly at his tan, a gesture so foreign that he almost didn't know what to do, instincts screaming to flinch and turn away. Starved for touch, he went against almost everything he had learned, leaning into the touch with a small sense of desperation.

“I don’t know fuck all about what you’ve gone through, but I can tell you I’m not perfect and there’s definitely something wrong with my head, but when I went through my shit I tried to do it alone, we’re not making that mistake again.” Levi spoke with such honesty that it took Eren a second process, as he nodded shakily, clutching the hand at his cheek. 

He couldn’t stop fumbling over repeated apologies, as he rubbed his eyes with dirtied hands, earning a small scolding for further dirtying his features, the older man swiping his thumb under dark bottom lashes. 

The hand was removed from his cheek, as he opted to instead hold that porcelain hand within his own, and for once, it was warm. 

The car ride was seemingly uneventful, the silence punctuated by even breathing as Levi ran a thumb over scarred knuckles absentmindedly, the exhausted youth dozing off once more.

 

\--

 

It had taken just over an hour to return to Levi’s inner city home, the traffic growing more and more congested as commuters made their way back to their respective homes, long nights of drinking until the early hours. The clock had just hit one when the car pulled into the private lot, as he opened groggy eyes, stretching stiff joints as the other parked. It was easier for him to remove himself from the car, the rest allowing him to clutch onto something resembling the feeling of being alert. He was still holding the hand loosely in his grasp, so he let go slowly as he removed himself from the vehicle, long limbs unfurling as he stood straight.

Carding a hand through the bird’s-nest that was his hair, he allowed a hazy smile to cross his features, the slight upturn of his lips indicating that he at least felt a little more at ease.

He waited for the raven to lock the vehicle, as the pair moved towards the back entrance, with the other placing a hand at the small of his back – softly at first, almost as if he was asking for permission, before placing a little more pressure to lead the brunette towards the lush elevator, surrounded in mirrors highlighting just how dishevelled he was.

The hand had been removed from his back, along with the tingling sensation it brought up his spine, a feeling he had come to enjoy – free from the apprehensions he had engrained into his habits, the fear he held from physical contact, a welcome change.

It was a fear he had been taught, conditioned, to grow cautious as someone drew close, to flinch and retaliate. It was a dangerous habit, to live within such tight constraints, constantly jumping when people came close, avoiding contact with his peers to keep them safe.

“You really fucking need a bath,” Levi spoke, sporting his trademark glare, arms folded loosely and gaze averted. It was endearing, the flippant nature of his speech reminiscent of how the leader’ now equally dishevelled undercut hung down near the bridge of his nose, the man tucking it loosely behind his ear.

Not that Eren was staring, of course.

“I’m disgusting aren’t I,” The boy spoke with a small chuckle, a thinly veiled façade covering the anxiety that was rising in his gut, as he grasped the back of his neck awkwardly, letting the hand fall shortly after to grip his other upper arm, leaning against the elevator wall.

“No shit,” It was the response he had expected, eliciting yet another small chuckle, the breathy noise betraying his stress ever so slightly. He couldn’t help the worry, it was an unfamiliar place that he’d have to live in, and whilst he more than enjoyed his company, the nerves just _wouldn't calm._

 

-

 

( Was there really a time where vulnerability was treasured? The way his voice would crack under the other’s watchful gaze. 

The eyes were the window to the soul. 

There was _nothing_ he could hide, and yet,

_Tackling those feelings was a journey he wasn't sure he wanted to embark on._ )

 

-

 

There was no way he couldn’t audibly gasp when he walked into the [apartment](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/25/fe/1f/25fe1ffdff04e44f1f6d0bad27d7e65e.jpg) after Levi, the wall to ceiling windows framing an immaculate space, curtains drawn slightly – only just obscuring the skyline view. The entire place was cloaked in hues of grey, black and white, dark mahogany floors shone against the soft lighting of several lamps, the occasional potted plant scattered throughout the space.

“Take your shoes off, and don’t touch a thing.” Levi’s voice had dropped in volume, if only slightly, helping to draw his attention away his nerves, and onto the tasks at hand. If there was one thing he was good at, it was pushing through each task one at a time. 

Slipping off his shoes, he remained in the doorway, waiting for permission to enter the home. He didn’t want to be intrusive into the space, it was a brief act of respect drilled into his head by the scolding words of his mother, the warm tones of honey and eyes that held so much love – no more than a brief, adored distant memory. 

“You coming?” Eren nodded, getting that awkward grin, the curl of his lips pulling over those teeth that were just a little too pointed.

Taking a step onto the wooden floors, he took a split second to appreciate the way it was slightly grainy under his toes, the slight texture starkly different to the cement of his previous home. It wasn’t much, but to the boys keen sense of touch it was the world, each new sensation on bare skin was enormous, the little things meant everything to him.

There were hands on his back again, causing him to jump slightly, relaxing almost immediately after.

“Come on bright eyes, you need to get clean.” It was a new nickname that caused that signature shade of peach to dust across his cheekbones, his gaze averted to the side briefly, as he was pushed towards the bathroom, patterned tiles topped with a white tub, a tan stool seated next to the bath. It, like the rest of the home, had scattered plants, with the [space](https://ibb.co/f001Yz) looking clean to the eye. It was a level of organisation Eren knew he wouldn't be able to achieve.

Taking a seat on the aforementioned stool, he watched the older man reach over to run the water, unable to stop himself from admiring the way that toned muscles grew taught over strong shoulders, meeting the curve of his back under a shirt that _shouldn’t be that tight_. There was no reason for the way his thoughts would grow muddled around the man, how the way that ‘zing’ would go up his spine every time they touched, how both simultaneously anxious and at ease he felt.

It took a few minutes for the bath to fill, steam rising from the warm water, coating the tiles in a thin film of condensation. 

“I’ll be just outside if you need anything,” Levi turned to leave, and yet in a brief moment of what one might call desperation, he reached out to tug on the others waist band, only lightly. He didn’t want to be left alone, not in a new space, not with his thoughts. Those forest green irises shone with watery eyes, trying to remain stoic with his expression. The messy haired youth was so used to solitude that he didn’t want to let go of the contact he had finally received.

 

 

“Could you stay?”

 


End file.
